Mind shakes
like tiny pebbles in a beach bucket;
No amount of water
could sift us back together now.
Cracks in the stones
as the waves crash against
my crushed core;
I’m seeping with a sour weakness
as only silence escapes
your betraying lips-
Sun ray drowns wounded soul
dissolving the tears it once sadly sang.
Author notes
Prompt 3: ~silent thunder; speaking rain
Credit - perfectsunset
10 lines or 70-100 words
In a list
A contest entry
- Semi-Quickie- Prompts; 15 entries by perfectsunset.
450 points, ended September 3, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites. by She Stole My Voice.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive Criticism Welcome - Be Honest - Thanks :)
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really enjoyed reading this one and all I can
say is "wow". I really felt something deep with this piece.
-
"I’m seeping with a sour weakness
as only silence escapes
your betraying lips-"
Ugh, I love that!
Thank you so much for entering and good luck ♥
-rainbow. -
WOW; you totally blew me away with your gorgeous words. Brilliant language in this; and the meanings unravelled- so powerful. Full of such depth & emotion. Loved your use of poetic devices & metaphor especially.
Absolutely love these lines
"Mind shakes
like tiny pebbles in a beach bucket;
No amount of water
could sift us back together now"
This.. was .. truly.. amazing.
Left me breathless.
Best of luck & thank you for entering
-
VIVID AND EMOTIONAL!!!!!
Like the waves of the ocean our tears come crashing down and leave us feeling used up and alone.
-
Hey, I know you haven't done your poem yet.
But I love your background!
-
All the very best dear!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
