The life you lead creates meanings true.
Are we not sum and total of days?
The song your children will sing of you.
The sunrise skies in halos of blue
a day, a stage on which courage plays,
the life you lead creates meanings true.
Risen warm on winds the Eagles flew
testing truths, temptations, worldly ways
the song your children will sing of you,
spirit fell in faith by doubts that grew
on tables of men the choices lay;
the life you lead creates meanings true.
We see the fire of ancients anew.
Our thoughts have lightened the shades of gray,
the song your children will sing of you
so brightly shone the eternal view;
so all must change but love ever stays.
The life you lead creates meanings true,
the song your children will sing of you.
Author notes
Peteskid
A contest entry
- The Beauty of a Villanelle by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended September 1, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Your refrain line "the song your children will sing of you" was very strong and filled with all the emotions of parenthood. I thought the first line lacked the same punch because of its awkward phrasing. Another wonderful line was, "so all must change but love ever stays". Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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A gentle and provocative view of the
integrity passed down through generations.
I admire the way you've expressed higher
meaning through this intricate form. Blue
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Very moving," The life you lead creates meanings true" and that entire first stanza is a bit of truth. Beautifully shaped thought..nice to be reading you again..
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Hey, good to hear from you-
i should take a look at your latest, see if i see a lyric there..the song you sing,yes ...PK
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You are on a Villanelle mood!!
Again you chose good refrains, and an excellent theme! How true it is the last couplet! We create the memories to be remembered in the future, we write the songs, and the way they will be sang is just up to us, and how we write them.
Very, very good Villanelle!
After reading those I feel like writing one too
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This poem is utterly enchanting. I've never seen such wonderful rhyme in a poem before this. Lovely lovely message as well.
"The life you lead creates meanings true.
Are we not sum and total of days?
The song your children will sing of you."
Completely true. Reminds me of The Breakfast Club when the principal says, "Now this is the thought that wakes me up at night is that when I'm old, these kids are going to take care of me." And the janitor says, "I wouldn't count on it." Great meaning here.
"Spirit fell in faith by doubts that grew,
on tables of men the choices lay;
the life you lead creates meanings true."
This is the best stanza. Doubts that cloud you will lead you to failure.
"so brightly shone the eternal view;
so all must change but love ever stays.
The life you lead creates meanings true,
the song your children will sing of you."
I loved that you ended the piece with the two repeating lines one after the other. Wonderful write altogether. Best of luck in the contest. ^_^
-Lily♥
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