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Obstacles of Innocence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wind blew out of Eden
As leaves fell to the earth
Draping you in filaments
And hues of a bronzed sky


Your music playing to Autumn
With the cricket's hum
In a bramble of living
I am tangled in your verse


I ride the mare of innocence
To life's stagnant pond
I drink of your water
And bathe in the depths of you


My eyes fixed and dilated
In images of red and gold
Life flowing through vessels
Of pleasure's moist mouth


As morning glories crawl
Craven to suckle the dew
I thrive on light of day
And the music of a newborn sun


Like a wall of circumstance
A gentle wind blows your song
And I tumble...
With obstacles of innocence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    August 16, 2008

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    Such fragile conenctions...and those obstacles of innocence.....ah, I knwo these well. Bravo, pen friend.


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    August 14, 2008

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    Great stuff, Richard. You have portrayed the perfection so wonderfully. And I love the idea of "obstacles of innocence"--what an unusual description of a common occurence. Give a completeness to the story, that one line seems to balance in strength all the other gorgeous lines together. Nicely done!


  • trulymadlydeeply
    August 13, 2008

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    outstanding!!!!

    There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said. Only to add, how truly elegant are the words, wonderfully emotive this write is. The way you have weaved the tender innocence of love's first throb and yet can still look into the eyes of that love and still see the innocence, well... that says it all. That looking into the eyes of your beloved can inspire a write like this. All of womanhood who chances upon this write can't help but to feel a heartfelt sigh.
    Good luck in the contest, you have not only rose to the challenge but surpassed it.
    tmd


  • Mari Goes gold member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your poem made the photograph complete.
    Perfect duo, colours and words blended in one imagery.
    Well done!
    Mari


  • Star Shine
    August 13, 2008

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    "filaments"....the placement of that word evoked such vivd detailed images, as did the beauty of the rest of this piece. Best ofluck, this is a prize winner with or without a trophy.


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    This is such a gentle song, Richard - simply beautiful. And it warms my heart to see the changing powers of a gentle love, a soft touch...nothing is stronger than a love that still believes in the innocent and the good. Thank you for this, thank you for writing what I have always believed in...

    ~ Nicolette


  • notorious gold member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Freaking gorgeous, wow

    I don't fancy the all-caps for every new line, but the font suits the poem very, very well.

    "The wind blew out of Eden
    As leaves fell to the earth
    Draping you in filaments
    And hues of a bronzed sky"
    Great reference to Eden (used to think that place was real...LoL). 'filaments' is an awesome word & "bronzed sky" is gorgeous!!

    A lot of people capitalize seasons (e.g. Autumn, as you did here). I don't think they need to be...

    "With the cricket's hum
    In a bramble of living
    I am tangled in your verse"
    "cricket's hum" is pretty...'bramble' doesn't sound quite as thorny here, and "tangled in your verse" is incredibly clever & kind of ambiguous in meaning.

    "I ride the mare of innocence"
    OH I LOVE THAT!!! My favorite part, maybe.

    "To life's stagnant pond"
    'stagnant'...nice vocab.

    "I drink of your water
    And bathe in the depths of you"
    I think "& bathe in your depths" would be more succinct...rather, than "depths of you".
    Or not.

    "As morning glories crawl"
    Coolio personification.

    Love your use of 'tumble'...usually sounds like a graceless word, but not here!!

    Good luck.


  • firefly53633
    August 12, 2008

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    Bravo!

    I give you a standing ovation!!!! This poem flows so very well! It is as though you are painting a canvass with words of imagery! I haven't read anything this good in a while! I am privelaged to have read it. Congrats on a beautifully executed poem! Obstacles of Innocence is a great title and plays well at the end! Keep on keepin on! Return the favor please?


  • Desire gold member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful~

    Oh My and this may sound wild but as I read the first stanza- I was balling like a baby and for some reason- kept seeing Audrey Hepburn
    It felt as if the connection-passion and emotions
    she brought through that could be felt-
    *mirrored* in some respects to what I was reading-
    whether Your other half evokes those feelings from You, the Love for every aspect of her being- I kept seeing her image if that makes sense~

    Love the line- I am tangled in your verse
    Speaks volumes
    Excellent!!
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • poet2angels gold member
    August 12, 2008

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    Oh, such glorious words inspired by something so lovely as love....


    sigh......


    Beautiful as always




    Lynda


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 12, 2008

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    Ohhh, prettiful...


  • marc creamore
    August 12, 2008

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    Love this Richard, so tight, yet flowing like an October leaf over water . . . but if I may ask, who be the muse you are speaking of? Just curious . . .

    peace, Marc


    • MuddyKing
      August 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      My lovely wife Dena, she instilled the innocence back in my life. She has always allowed me to be the best at whatever I try, by simply being there. Carol's prompt merely opened a book of memories. Thanks for the kind comment Marc.
      peace Muddy

      • marc creamore
        August 12, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Thanks Richard . . . an understanding companion is a god send, believe me I know, because my wife Donna saved me from killing myself with alcohol . . .

        peace to you and yours,
        Marc


  • aanika
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Draping you in filaments
    And hues of a bronzed sky

    those lines are GORGEOUS.
    brilliant write.

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