My lady stands beneath the pines
notice her looks so shapely love,
her body calls to other signs.
Her hair raven flowing refines
of flight she glides so like a dove,
my lady stands beneath the pines.
A gentle soul she redefines
her velvet voice enfolds above,
her body calls to other signs.
I see her there, a star so shines
as beauty graced in her belove,
my lady stands beneath the pines.
A wisp of pulsing need assigns
of her my thoughts to stay, there of
her body calls to other signs.
So heathen sounds are little whines
in days I knew her somber glove,
my lady stands beneath the pines
her body calls to other signs.
Author notes
Tirrell
A contest entry
- The Beauty of a Villanelle by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended September 1, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was a very nice villanelle. I think it would have been strengthened if you had chosen "I see her there, a star so shines" as your refrain line instead of "her body calls to other signs". Also the second stanza needs a little editing to make it more grammatically correct. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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Thank you for your opinion, but I prefer it the way it stands.
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Oh. This is a cool little poem that you have written in here. I like form poems a lot so I'm glad that I have found this. I thought you did a good job on the form but I'm not an expert or anything so I wouldn't really know anyways! It sounded pretty and I liked the images so it was good enough for me.
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Villanelle's are so lovely to enjoy!
as if they are being sung to us!
well done, this was exceptional beautiful to read indeed!
Thankyou for sharing it with us!
ears/Seattle
flawlessly written!
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
It's a brave man who takes on a villanelle - they are tricky beasts to handle! This is a careful piece of fretwork, almost too delicate... but enjoyable nonetheless.
Should that be "whines" in line 16?
Some applause due.
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Great!
Hey! I am looking for the white horse and the knight in shining armour to appear at any moment! Have you seen him? Could you be him?:} Very nicely done! Great visuals! Very 16th century!
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Very nice Villanelle. good luck in the contest.
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This is lovely! Very stately and almost medieval in feel. I loved the lines:
'I see her there, a star so shines
as beauty graced in her belove,
my lady stands beneath the pines.'
I also loved;
'Her hair raven flowing refines
of flight she glides so like a dove,'
(It's my hair colour!)
Thank you for sharing this super write.
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good luck in contest.
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