behind
crumpled heaps
dusty nightmares
left
scattered
crumbs trailed
precariously
back to
you
tastes of burnt honey
Crows
pick
pluck
shiny
black
coats
amplified
by
the nostalgic glow
I wander
up up
up up
up and away
let me sing
like a pretty
songbird
cradled in
rays
free from
self induced
[bondage]
Author notes
52 words.
Image by Sab687 Abandoned
http://sab687.deviantart.com/art/Abandoned-50218317
A contest entry
- Quickie. Because I Feel Like It! by xCandieKissesx.
470 points, ended August 13, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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this is beautiful. i like the play on stanza and line breaks.
i like the imagery of "dusty nightmares" because it makes something abstract tangible and then even grants it enough time in the material world to age. and because nightmares are typically connected to the time, whether a dark past or a dim future, i love that pairing of words. good job
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this is so beautiful.
and I even read through it twice.=]
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I'm pretty old-fashioned when it comes to poetry. Perhaps it is a lack of understanding of the modern trend, but this poem held me and I read it several times. It says so much in so few words. The more I read it, the more I liked it and thank you for sharing.
PS I love the contrast between the crow and the songbird. Very clever.
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Just felt like reading it again cause its awesome
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W-W-wow
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This is a wonderful example of the power that images have to pull me from my chair and into another world...
"burnt honey" ... ?
Seriously. This is a wonderful image, just as the rest of this delightful bit of work is stocked full of a visual flair that doesn't dare to do anything but impress.
You are a breath of fresh air.
Blessings,
C
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this was great i love the picture
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wow this is great...
i love the picture!!!!
great write...
welcome to Ap
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damn this is incredible
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Oh.. I really like this.. Its unique and the ending kind of shocked me for some reason..Lol. You did a wonderful job with the picture.. Thank you very much for sharing..
Angel
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as the tuesday part of semana, i liked your poem. the only thing that didn't click with me was the last word. very well done.
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Vivid imagry. loved "dusty nightmares" "self-induced bondage" What we all are in EVERY DAY! I does not change as you get older. Anarchy! Great job. You've got it-YOu love it - You are into it. Can't wait to read more.
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An incredible take on the picture....Your word choice and format was flawless and lent themselves well to intense imagery!!! Very well done and best wishes....
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awesome!
thanks. anyway, i just read your poem, Movement, and loved it! my favorite thing about it is the form, and I love your wording! -
this is hot! I love the structure, your words and your message. Way to free yourself from your induced bondage! Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing.
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freakin LOVE it.
amazingggg.
need I say more..?
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I think you did a terrific job with this. Your imagery is wonderfully created. The whole piece is really well done.
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I really love the way you ended this poem. The lines 'self induce/[bondage]' are something to think about. You really bring the images home and the broken-ness of the poem works perfectly. Nice work!
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Very Interresting
Certain words you chose to leave out left this poem with a movement of its own. You take the bad and leave hope for the good, for the future. Just like the birds you write about, you search to be more like them not only singing but being free. The way you write this poem is fantastic! Great job.
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Like the flow, this has images that remind me of some of H. P. Lovecraft's work, as well it is an excellent take on the given prompt. Well done.
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Really unique write, its brokeness perfectly matches the pic! Very powerful ending as well - self induced bondage - really interesting idea.
Great write & good luck in contest,
Michael
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I enjoyed this.
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Woohoo!
I like your style. It's very different from everyone else! Like you, your poem is unique! I love the way you concluded it. Personally, my favourite part! Wonderful job and good luck!
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I love your form! ^_^ I like it when poets step outside of the norm and create a funky flow. I always get terribly criticized when I do it, but I love it :]
"Crows
pick
pluck
shiny
black
coats
amplified
by
the nostalgic glow"
This is a wonderful part of the poem. I love crows, and the description of which in this poem is very beautiful.
"behind
crumpled heaps
dusty nightmares
left
scattered"
I like the sense of the girl climbing the stairs leaving behind "crumpled heaps; dusty nightmares". Very dark indeed.
"free from
self induced
[bondage]"
Awesome ending. :] I like your style. Good luck in the contest!
-Lily♥
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Thank's!
Here's your pic prompt! If you'd like to change it, you have another chance to. Good luck!
http://sab687.deviantart.com/art/Abandoned-50218317
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