Echoed
mem'ries hiding
where broken laughter keeps;
love's reminiscent shadow weeps
for these breezed branches; heart's internal mend.
oh Moon, the distant mirror, seek
my shattered picket fence-
our white-paint dreams;
echoed.
Author notes
Prompt: Rictameter Word Bank
Mirror, shadow, echo, memory, shatter, breezes, fences, loving, branches,
weeping, keeping, trying, broken, mended, seeking, laughing, hiding.
This is my first one, I hope it is alright.
A contest entry
- Rictameter Word Bank by piccola.
900 points, ended August 17, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Nicely done to grab up the silver, good job on your first Rict. Keep on writing forms. Scott
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hoodwinked
wow, gorgeous piece you have penned here dear poet. I do not get to read these very often. It is beautiful and well written, and powerfully written also. Congrats on the silver. Keep it up. and great job
Always write from the heart
Never give up
Kate
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Hood Winked!!
I always like how a Rictameter presents on the page ... Congratulations on the Silver trophy
Very nicely crafted. Thank you for the pleasure. Your lines flow smoothly from the page and paint vividly into thought.A lot is said in these words.
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beautiful use of the word bank. The syllable count is correct but line 5 needs a few less letters to make the perfect diamond shape. Sometimes although the syllable count is correct the letters aren't. It will make a line just out too much, or one appear to short so you have to adjust for that if you want the appearance to be just right. Wonderful job for your first. thank you for entering
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Wonderful!
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Oh my gosh, this is beautiful. Wow, very impressive indeed. Best of luck!
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Good Rict'
Nice trick with mem'ries
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Oh moon the distant mirror seek my shattered picket fence... That line is excellent.
Perfect Rictameter by the way. Very nice. ~Bramble
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excellent!
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