Let me ask;
Do your breasts enter the room five steps before you do?
Do your children still have stretch marks on their lips from breast feeding? (women only).
Have you thought about buying a wheelbarrow just to carry your huge bazongas?
If you answered yes to any or all these questions, come on down to POLLY DARTON'S Funeral Parlor; the choice of all the well endowed, trashy, horny starlets in Hollywood and on Broadway.
This beautifully hand crafted “Mae West Treasure Chest” comes in several models carved from Mahogany, oak, and balsa (economy package).
Custom fittings by appointment only.
Doctor Hyman Buster, ex OB/GYN on call.
Make a statement to you friends and loved ones that says, “You can take it with you when you go!"
And always remember Polly's slogan; “It cost a lot of money to look this cheap!”
Reserve yours today and receive your free grave plaque that says “I told you I was sick!”
No discounts for death-bed purchases.
Offer void where prohibited by law.
Author notes
This was just for fun. No offence intended!
A contest entry
- The Perfect Coffin For Hollywood Women! 20 poets/BIG POINTS! by imahealer.
1900 points, ended August 22, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I loved this!! Good luck...
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haha RATS ,, You beat me to the Dollys casket. I didn't think of the clever way you put Polly Dartons . That was clever.
Very good.
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No offense taken! After three breast reductions, I was the one entering the room, boobs first. Just a couple of notes, that if edited will make this entry even funnier. The name of the Doctor who does the fittings, if reversed, is a pun and much funnier! Doctor Hymen Buster! LOL Sorry, I couldn't help my trashy self! Love the reversal of Dolly's name. It adds to your humor! As far as the title goes, because this is solely about custom coffins, I would drop the other things as they are irrelevant for the contest! I also LOVED Polly's slogan! And it is TRUE! LOL Best wishes and see you when I give the "final judgement, which you all will give me some help. I am immensely enjoying this contest. A humorous break from all of the depressing poems! Thank you for your entry!
Linda
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Thank you Linda for you comments and suggestions. As you can see I took some of your advise. This was really a fun contest. I know you will have a tough job judging. This was a refreshing break in writing.
WoodsonRoundtree
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