I think it’s cute
How you’re so timid, dear
You stop, listen, look both ways
Until you’re sure I’ll mirror your
Advances, afraid to take
Chances…
And I think it’s sweet
That you won’t let yourself
Believe
You have me under this spell
Even when everyone can tell I’m pretty
Helpless
Just being with you…
You’re so cautious
Even if there’s no risk involved-
When in one moment
You could whisk me off my feet,
And in welcome defeat
I’d tell you that I think you’re so
Cute, dear
For taking all this time,
Because I thought it was clear
I’ve been yours all along.
Comments please. :-)
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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First off, thank you so much for you comments. They were helpful and encouraging and I'm glad to find another owl city fan on this site.
What a cute poem. It made me think of middle school crushes. Adorable. I especially liked the line break in "Even when everyone can tell I'm pretty/Helpless". Nice little twist. Thanks again for your comments and best wishes!
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Haha, his lyrics are poetic enough, you'd think there'd be more (I just recently realized he was so popular, I thought I was being all indie and cool, but oh well!) :-) Thanks for the comment! This is one of my favorite pieces, one that I actually don't hate when I go back to it. Anyway, glad to be acquainted with you and your work, blessings!
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so good
It is hard to let go and trust when it comes to the heart. you have depicted this so wellin this poem. nice imagery. Nic
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Oh this is just so sweet. I love the style, the way each new line modifies the one before it. I've written that way before and it's not always easy to make it work well, but yours is quite lovely.
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Very nice! I like your non-traditional line endings: I think you're so/ Cute; mirror your/advances; I'm pretty/helpless (this one is especially good). Those make the reader read it differently, and by emphasizing alternate words, lend interest.
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Awww... it's so sweet. I loved it!
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A very sweet and sentimental kind of write I'm sure, all that care is more evident when dealing with one loved dearly. After all, even if you are theirs all along, it would not make it easier if anything happened to you
Lovely write.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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I think this is darling, because I can relate so well. I always thought it was funny that my ex thought he had to try *so* hard, when *I* was the one who was falling over my feet just because he looked at me. Even now when we hang out, he still can't seem to understand how much I still like him, and he always closes his mouth before he completes his thoughts.
You captured it all so well and I really don't think I'd change a thing; the way it flows fits the mood perfectly.
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Haha, thanks so much. And hopefully he'll come around... ;-) Blessings!
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And I think it’s sweet
That you won’t let yourself
Believe
You have me under this spell
Even when everyone can tell I’m pretty
Helpless
and cute is the only thing it is and that is so much Good luck stay strong and just love your life tell everyone it's God s word that....
and the whole poem I loved it
I had a great time here at the key board read it twice and it's going in a list of mine called stunned God bless
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There is so much about this poem that I like. I'm going to have to make my "constructive criticism" take the form of telling you what works.
"You're so cute, dear" - repeated at just the perfect intervals, the last one a little later than the other two, making you want to hear it all the more, and in just a teeny bit different form so you don't grow tired of the phrase.
Incorporating familiar phrases that, in some other poem or used a different way, could have been nothing more than cliche's. They aren't here because they're used differently than they normally would be.
"Stop, listen and look both ways" - brilliant
"whisk me off my feet" instead of sweep me off my feet. Just enough difference.
The occasional rhyme or assonance also adds whimsy and interest: chances/advances; spell/tell/helpless.
All in all, a really delightful read. Thank you. celtic queen
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Thanks you so much for the thoughtful and thorough comment! I appreciate it. :-) Thanks for reading, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Blessings!
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I really liked the way you paced your phrases, the rhythm of this worked great. I don't know if there is anything I would change. The concept is clear, the writing is strong, the delivery is excellent.
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Thanks so much! I appreciate it. :-) Blessings!
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Wow, this is a really cute poem. It has a certain tone of affection to it, and I really enjoyed that. This is a write that I would read all the time. I think that you did an amazing job and it was a brilliant write. You did amazing!!
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What a sweet poem. I really liked your message to this man, and also loved that he doesn't take you for granted. (I despise the guys with huge egos and grand opinions of themselves that take girls for granted. Arg.) I didn't notice anything that needed improvement. Lovely job!
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WOW!!
This is a verry well written write... I really enjoyed reading this piece... I loved how the ending is.... Its so cute.. KEep up the great work!
Shannon*Leah -
AWWW I just love it. The poem itself is so cute
Keep it up.
Lubna
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I love it...I got me that kind of guy. He was so oblivous and just when I was ready to give up, he came through. They are the best kinds of guys..very unique and innocent
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haha, thanks! good to know they come through eventually... ;-)
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Loved this one. It is cute, but I admit that I always found it annoying as well. Especially when everyone else seems to be able to tell, but he STILL doesn't GET IT. But it is sweet, and this poem is ten times that. Great write.
God Bless, Larkbird -
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hehehe.. tell me about it! Thanks so much for the comment.
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You have pennned a lovely poem. A delight to read this morning. You take care. Sandy
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Thank you! Blessings to you today. :-)
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Absolutely delightful! This is the way it should be--taking the time--until it's absolutely clear. Then it is such a lovely experience for both parties--why rush it and take the chance of ruining it? If it's really good, then it's worth waiting for! I love the title, too!
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"You stop, listen, look both ways"
-This could be crossing the street,
or falling in love.
It's cute and I like it.
♥
-Rainbow.
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