Can you see the pain of the broken heart?
Can you hear the hurt of true friends apart?
Can you smell the burning of true love?
Can you taste what abuse really does?
Can you feel what these things can do?
How can you experience what's not done to you?
You think your senses are good then try
To live like you're living to die
What are the senses for if not to see?
What life is really meant to be?
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
800 points, ended August 15, 2008, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thoughts by Ltecho13.
450 points, ended September 7, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is about Options by Darkwell.
1050 points, ended September 1, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please let me know what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i like how you weaved in all the senses in this as you describe how you go about answering the riddle of life.
Can you taste what abuse really does?
Can you feel what these things can do?
How can you experience what's not done to you?
i know its like sometimes people will be like it'll be ok and youre like you dont understand how can you understand unless it happened to you?
Well done WTG good luck in the contest -
I like good luck in my contest
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hmm.. interesting
in my opinion, a very extreme interpretation of how life should be lived, and how our human senses should interrelate to life..
spotted the obvious 5 senses there: see, hear, smell, taste and feel.. though i found it a little cliche, still, its great to bring in the all round, sensory feel to the poem, since its titled "senses"
which brings into mind- there are 2 meanings to senses, (imo). 1- our five senses, as you've shown in this poem.. and 2- our feelings and senses based on emotions, sometimes sensing is not reality.. and i thought i saw both represented in this poem-
the first interpretation of sense was the see hear etc etc
and the second interpretaion of senses i thought i saw was in the lines- You think your senses are good then try To live like you're living to die
for that^, i saw it more as your thoughts on how people should feel, should live, and should act in life -as if they're "living to die", i quote.. its seems as the "senses" referred here are that of empathy, sympathy- which are humane senses too?
hmm, that is what i thought.. care to explain your poem to me?
but still, nice job of the rhyming.. this- What are the senses for if not to see?
What life is really meant to be?
- was great. good ending in my opinon ;D
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wow, this is a frickn awesome poem ^^ congrats ^^
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WOW i like the sence lol. I can so relate to your poem!! wow, ur amazing, the flow is amazing, the rhyme is amazing everything is!!
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I love you-okay just kiddin-your poem!! Omg that is everything I want to ask (do go read mine too) and I just cant believe how you're like, reading my mind
. I honestly don't know whether we're born to live or die. haiz
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This is..
a really good poem. I love the message that you can't really understand something unless you have lived it. I enjoyed the read, thanks!
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I can see the pain of a broken heart. I can hear the hurt of true friends apart. I can feel what most of these things can do. I am living to die.
Great poem. I hope you do well in that contest.
My fav lines
Can you see the pain of the broken heart
How can you experience what's not done to you
You think your senses are goo then try
To live like you're living to die
What are the senses for if not to see
What life is really meant to be.
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Well, mostly I could tell you about this poem what I said in my previous comment to you.
In this one, unlike your Father poem, I think the questions get a bit tiring, at least to me.
I really like these lines and I find the ideas behind them brilliant:
"Can you smell the burning of true love?
Can you taste what abuse really does?"
&
"To live like you're living to die"
These have that suggestive vagueness to them... they are worded in a certain way that makes me want more lines like that, which is what, I think, many look for in poetry. Something that makes you go, "eureka!", if you know what I mean. I find the title matching and the theme very interesting. Keep writing
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