a giant in my foyer.

The shit winds blew fifteen dead ducks to my porch this morning
They tracked with them the remnants of my dead sisters and my ugly lovers, o how I thought I had forgot
Damned hawk who alights and sits pondering my face while I exhale
Hawks are the inferior cousins of eagles, they live in Camden while eagles have high rise apartments in manhatten. They know this, and know that we know too.

I have been at it 10,000 years in a delirium attempting to make my mt.rushmore but with only a toothpick and resolve
Just as I painted my own Sistine chapel with a broken white crayon
In this young mans world I feel an old possum, just whistling thru my teeth
And snubbing for my grub
An old possum who gathers moss

My sense of humor needs work not nearly enough laughter
An old lady on the bus farted, that made me laugh
I laughed in my heart at how genuine a classmate was today
I always laugh when I see the blue line train, it looks like a broken caterpillar to me, on it’s way back to the forest
Where it can rest
I laugh at odd times like firecrackers on the 5th of july

In the morning if I am still awake I cower at the sun, it is not my friend but a scolding mother
While I nail boards on my windows so not to go insane I hear her softer and softer saying “it is time to rise, the day has begun, and where are you my child”
Curse you mother! I am in bed today because I was out with the moon
All night
Running and laughing at old women’s flatulence

My abuse is the abuse I suffer from others faces
The way the eyes tear into me, the way I cannot face the eyes and bumblemumble from
Behind a cracking podium.
Did you crack it on purpose my friend? To bring an air of the absurd into the classroom…
My friend.

We must not stop this!

Do I feel suicidal? I tell you that it is probably the only thing I do not feel and have no stomach for,
Everything else is fair game if not well constructed.

So an old possum lights a cigar made from pond fronds and duck shit
And we discuss the merits of surreal porno movies

“ah yes, that one did change the industry”
“who could have thought? Pirates!”
“ha ha!”
“Ha? I see no caterpillars of generosity here.”

We must not stop this!

We can not stop this!

When I enter the bedroom at three in the morning my girlfriend is tired, she is asleep and doesn’t recognize me. I frighten her when I lay down,
This is the way in all things.

I feel as though you have commissioned too great a task from this lonely old possum, I can’t dig the canyon myself and I know that you’ll fill it with soda pop as soon as I am done. I put my testicles on the line every time I ride my bike. It is a cruel bike,
And my mother sun still mocks!

Got no need for self evaluation
Got no need for grief
Got no need for old men in rubber suits handing out candy
I got no need for nuns
Or churches
Or steeples
Or hunchbacks
I got no need for salutations
I got no need for friends
I have no need for my mind and its wandering thought
I got no need for my body and all its lust and its upkeep and its odd desires
I got no need for explanation
I am a rehab poet
I am a poet of your dead son
I am a poet of two gunshot wounds
I am a bleeding sore of a poet
And don’t forget it.

We all can love it is said
But love cannot possibly come to all of us
Always out of touch and touch is love for love writes its poems in touch.

And we! We crucify it on a golden lamppost along with a little sign reading
“here is the king of the crumbuckets, do as you will!”
crumbuckets and curmudgeons and carnivores bring me always back to that damn
hawk,
I think poe forgot that the raven is not nearly so cruel as the hawk and has not been damned or dead for as long either,
Satan has his fingers in the crows ass, but he has his fire dick in the eye and the beak of the hawk.

“let them eat cake”
let me eat burgers, cheeseburgers and French fries I think you meant to say
for here I am
and I am here and in here I eat meat not sugar and fluff.
I am the carnivore, I am a damned hawk and I can’t get the taste of satan’s dick out my mouth.

Delrium! Ha!
I am not a dreamer, I am a dream
I am not a dancer, I am a dance
I am not a writer, I have been written
I am not a student, they have been taught to teach me
I am not a liar, I am a lie.

Wingless bird that I am, a possum of moss and stone
And a pantless old man sleeping in the Capital lunchroom
Senators and congressmen should bow to me while I brush my teeth, I do a good job
In circular motions but my gums have gone away
I have no gums but a skeleton mouth, what a lovely array of bones one finds inside their head… inside my mouth is scary.

Please write me letters of distinction so I can put them in my scrapbook and burn it on the altar to that great serpent in the sky.

What we need, you and I and i
Is a dirt road to take us home, a journey with purpose!
But when you can’t spell home it must be real far
What we need, you and I and i
Is a beautiful truck with diamond wheels to get back to the center of the earth
A giant drill rock on the front and we will fuck gaia so good
She ain’t gon remember what popped her

We can’t stop this!

The pressure is as overwhelmer
I call him Kirk, cuz he reminds me of a highschool scenario
Remember all the scenarios there have been? But no real oppressor
No real rage, no real anger or injustice?
Where has my fight gone.
Where has my cat gone.
Where has my dog gone.
Where has my best friend gone.
Where has my island playset gone.
Where is my legion of action figures.
Where is my star crossed wallpaper.
Where is my vanilla perfume love of seventh grade.
Where is my dad right now, and what is he thinking?
Where is my reggae record to make pain stop.

Where has we gone.
Where is me gone.
What is wrong?

What does wrong mean? Obviously I am a liar, I am only the poet of
Unanswered questions and overt lack of style.
I am the poet of the hacks, and we damn don’t care if you know.

I am the dickhead of poets.

In a pint glass filled with malt liq I found no solace, putting it in a classy situation doesn’t mean it actually gains value.
Gravitas. Fuck gravitas.

It was as in this—
                  The excitement was too much to handle everynight I’m singing and them music                  people don’t get it still either and I don’t care and I feel a lack of synthesis here in my house I linger on the last six words my nono sent my way “tell my nick I love him” I wish I could have heard and you didn’t have to have your heart stop on the way to the bathroom in that fucking hospital I haven’t told you nono but I hate them because it killed you and I can’t go in them or I puke, I swear when I got degreaser in my eye and went to the e.r. I puked on the nurse, she wore the same perfume as my “knocksee” mother as you called her.. the scent is called amerige. “om-ur-reej” and I promise nono that I am not as fucked up as I look and seem but you probably know my brain and know exactly how fucked it is. I wish we could go sailing together, I’d have    to teach you how, well I’d have to be taught how to first, but we could learn together. I miss cowboy movies. And I miss soppressatte, you had the best, I live my life in vain searching for that taste.

I know that taste would get rid of satan dicktaste.

Oh don’t drink yourself to death you told me today in class allen, I heard you beyond some made up grave site. Probably smoking a joint with plato and then later sixty-nine with rimbaud. What
Do you mean
That I didn’t apply myself in college
I loved college

I enjoyed constant people conversation coffee and pot, I enjoyed acid on the beach at six in the morning the beach—I kid you not—is call’d ‘wonderland’
I liked going to class with all the hangover kids
And I liked hearing the ones who read a lot more than most fart wisdom out of their mouth ass
But I didn’t belong

No

This old possum always belonged to some mystic Georgia peach

To some enlightenment ideal in the black cavern of humanity to some

Hill overlooking a shitty two lane highway in manannassas virginia on a night that seemed to last far longer with my shoulder strap bag (chosen for style not practicality) proved to be a most annoying thing.

My soul belonged to a mystic Georgia peach somewhere in the clouds and my mother sun could never know what I meant by that, tho she helped me & it grow

So shit, I loved college and so did the rest of everyone.

Then begins a sea voyage in the distant past, I recognized unruly gym class supervisors and Gestapo hall marm’s
I saw the bake sales from hell and their infantile cupcakes, the cupcakes that never failed to have fucking pink frosting, I hate frosting and I don’t like sweets
I said before, throw the cake away
Gimme a cheeseburger and fries!
Gimme a cheeseburger and fries and I will never die.

The day I got the sickest I’d ever been (of natural causes) I was eating corndogs in the cafeteria of cave springs elementary school in Roanoke virginia a godforsaken place that I call’d my home for a while when I was wee
I remember going to the nurse and she didn’t believe me
Cuz I was always goin to the nurse and sayin I was sick, it was my way I was bored sick and repeating third grade.. plus, third grade in Roanoke is first grade anywhere else.
She didn’t believe me I stuck pins in my fingers and I rolled my eyes out of my sockets, I punched my nose in and I took a dump right in my hand, still she didn’t believe me…
So then I started drawing pentagrams on the mirror with my own nostril blood (I broke my wee nose) and she still didn’t believe me but stead took me in to the

Principal’s Office.

In here my principal some douche that gave an assembly wearing a full on diving suit to show what a neat and funny guy he was

Gave me a lecture and I pretended I was calvin pretending I was spaceman spiff.

The tripping out probably beagn when I found myself in situations
Like this one.

My mom took me home
I was sick for 12 days
Pooping puking phlegming
Any gross p’s I did
Pee’n myself maybe.
They had to shove a pill up my ass cuz I was so sick..
Penetration?

I remember when I could finally see straight again my mom rented Michael jackson’s movie “moonwalker” for me
And I watched it a thousand times
Eating triscuits and sipping coke syrup over ice.
Damn if I didn’t fucking love and want to be Michael Jackson.

That was the sickest I’ve ever been. (of natural causes)

We can’t stop this!
We can’t even try to stop this!

The waves of democracy have struck my mountains into pure and white sand
I am a beach
I am a bitch
I am a current
I am a cunt
I am a dog
I am a dock overlooking this sea of democracy.

Do you remember the time when:
                        We ate mushrooms and ran roundbottom in the field elephant?
                                      Words we found out meant nothing
                        We smoked opium in the parking lot and then gabe took a shit in the hallway
                        We fell asleep in the backs of classrooms and no one cared
                        We saw our pizza guy get tackled by police officers because he was a triple                murderer

Do you remember the time when we never even said remember the time?
I don’t, as soon as my second memory came around I pined for the first. That ghostbuster ambulance was real cool.