Can you see your son burning in a sea of treachery?
Drowning in the flames of misery
Where is the Father's wisdom?
As we live in complete confusion
Have You given up on those You say You love?
If not where is your Son sent from above?
Do you enjoy the hurt?
Do You enjoy to see the pain?
Did you know You can stop it all?
Or do You like to watch us fall?
If You are there why not save the masses?
If You see what I see why remain stasis?
Your Word says you care for Your flock
But as I see You don't give a fuck
And if You are the God You claim to be
Why the hell don't You save me?
A contest entry
- vent it out 2! by Lsh-x.
300 points, ended August 29, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thoughts by Ltecho13.
450 points, ended September 7, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please let me know what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like the reasoning good job good luck in my contest
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a good poem..i belive u took out ur frustation n anger on God.. but try to look at the bright side of thingz.. n try 2 be happy for wat he has given u instead of resenting him for wat he hasnt..no offense at all..overall a nice one..)
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Yikes, I love the tempo. I don't think there's a person alive who hasn't felt this way one time or another. Yet what would life be if it was all perfect. There would be no work to do, there would be little appriciation for great things. How do we tell who we are and feel proud of it without conquering some shitty thing done to us? Anyway I still loved it.
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Welcome to AllPoetry
You make some very good points in this poem. I usually go poetry with more poetic device, but this sounds almost like a beat poem. You should keep up writing, as from this poem I feel you have potential and you have something to say. Usually you need to be really careful about using so many questions in a poem, not to make it cheesy, but I think the question technique works here, because this poem emanates confusion and so not making any statements helps. I would suggest not using chat spelling in poetry, if you want to be taken seriously. I've read this poem and I'm glad I did, but I often find myself turned off from reading pieces with lots of chat speak. Also, you have a few grammar/spelling mistakes that need fixed. If you don't see them but want to correct them, I could help. Anyway, the rhymes seem to go with the preachy style of your poem and it makes it sound more beatish. I think the use of "give a fuck" here really makes an impact. My favorite line was the last one - touching in its conversational, desperate tone. Keep writing
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I'm not really sure what you mean by "chat spelling" so can you message me about what you mean by that and yes, if you or anyone for that matter sees a spelling or grammar mistake let me know because I mess that up quite often.
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What a powerful write.
The opinion of God not stopping everything bad that happens, is one many agree with, and to some extent i do too. But if God stopped everything bad that was going to happen, we wouldn't be the people we are today.
Thanks for entering, i loved it.
Good luck and well done. -
Confussion = Confusion?
Good poem again. I can feel some of the anger here, and this was written directly from the heart. Some of the best poetry comes from there. Good luck in this contest too.
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Hey thanks for the comments im very new to writting and i appreciate them alot
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