My heart begins to beat [faster & faster];;
Almost quicker than a shot of lightning across the midnight sky
As I've been nervously waiting by the phone
You promised you'd be here
On this chilling & slowly passing night
But here I wait
Craving to feel your lips on my skin & hold you temptively too close...
it was all going to happen tonight
My thought-out-dedication to you seems almost hopeless {worthless} now
Baby, you're the only one I've ever really cared for
Before;; I was always okay without a shoulder to cry on
Now...it hurts to anxiously lay here, eyes almost closed
In the pitch dark room, listening to the clock as it reminds me
that you're not here.
& that I'm simply...alone.
Author notes
Inspiration:
Alone by Heart
Amaranthine Lover
YoureNoGoodForMe
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites From August 2008 by amaranthine lover.
2450 points, ended October 8, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - music-inspired ♥-fun for everyone! by Immortal Obscurity.
400 points, ended September 17, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
pleassse tell me what you think :]
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
It's a nicely written piece.
-
Now, I'm usually not a fan of the whole dirty-pretty trend, but since yours isn't of the over-punctuated, cliched (and ultimately boring) variety, I'll let it slide. The end sounds a bit like a rewriting of the song's first verse, but oddly enough, it worked with your poem's mood.
My favourite line is this one:
"Almost quicker than a shot of lightning across the midnight sky"... stunning! Thanks for entering.
Laura
-
Have felt this way before, when I was younger, and this poem brings back to life the hours [literally] that I spent sitting on the windowsill, waiting for his call to let me know when he would be arriving. So innocent I was back then, to think that he'd meant what I thought he did....
Nice job with this one; you managed to effectively stir up memories within me and leave me feeling like I could identify with your writings. Best of luck in the contest. -
so sad yet so good I felt this way only once and have no wish to feel it again... great write...
always~Steph
-
so sad
so good though
-
Almost quicker than a shot of lightning across the midnight sky
---
i LOVELOVELOVE that line
its amaaazing
this is soo sad
but i have felt like this about a bajilion times befoer
and that feeling off being alone & knowing that he'll never show up SUCKS
i love this though in its depressing way haha
goodluck in the contest
♥
-
This is very nicely penned poem
i love this line especially:
Craving to feel your lips on my skin & hold you temptively too close...
oh how i relate to this alot
all my love,
kitty xxx -
This was remarkable
Your lines are penned with such well formed emotion. You paint your pain and longing so well in this.
-
wow..... i dont know what to say im speachless
im freakin in love with this like no joke
gl in the contest 2 ima go check out some of ur other stuff i think
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
