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he said forever, but now i'm undone

 

hollow

 

 

 

 

Cardiac defeat,

when life toys with her misfortunes.

Silent in her escape,

though it's the loudest she's ever been.

In her frozen reflection, you can see it.

The shock of her tragedy, but it hasn't set in yet.

 

He says things, promising forever,

and she surrendered to that promise and him.

Swollen egos and telephone lies make this promise imperfect.

 

Her eyes see her future, but her heart refuses to move.

Absent in vocabulary, she doesn't want to say too much.

Maybe if she changes, she can regain his touch.

 

But we all know that's not really what she wants.

 

 

Author notes

Pic Credit: http://dreaminginthetheatre.deviantart.com/art/Such-Hollow-11795240

"Mylee"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • LoveNLyrics
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really like this piece. your last line was really great too because you aren't expecting that. good job! thanks for your entry.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww this was so full of emotion & beautifully expressed. A wonderful & genuine read.

    Thanks foe entering & best of luck


  • Climax
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Somewhere And Some Place.

    I have seen you around some...
    I don't know much about you but I'm glad you have come.

    However, you have a way with playing with words...
    Making your this poem very well observed.


  • Never Fall in Love
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The ending is a direct slap in the face. The poem is well written, and if you want sore critique ... I'm not too sure on the phrase:

    life plays games

    I stumbled on it and I think that is mainly because of the stumbling s sounds of it. But that's minor and I have no suggestion offixing it.

    ♥x.


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!! that's what I felt while reading this and after I finished. this poem says so much.. Been here so many times before.
    the last line says it all to me..

    kat


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a wonderful write written in a different perspective which is a creative thing to do as well. well done with this bro


  • Yorkshire Rose
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the poem makes you stop and go wow.


  • Abby In Chains. silver member
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh my god...


  • Brooklynn Tainted gold member
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    DAMN!! This is awesome! I love the emotions you show in this and how it pulls the reader in. The flow is good to. Awesome write!!


  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    BEAUTIFUL. Wow, you portrayed so many feelings in this poem and so many emotions I can really relate to. I love how well the picture really fits with this poem. My favorite lines had to be:

    -Cardiac defeat,
    when life plays games with her misfortunes.
    ...

    You said it perfectly right there. Nothing more really needs to be said.

    -Her eyes see her future, but her heart refuses to move.
    Absent in vocabulary, she doesn't want to say too much.
    Maybe if she changes, she can regain his touch.
    ...

    I especially loved that last line. You wrote this beautifully =) ♥

1 - 11 of 11