A battered, bruised, shell of a girl,
who's too afraid to just face the world,
afraid of rejection,
who cant show affection,
who kept to herself,
with the secrets she couldn't tell,
singing the songs her mother would sing,
around her neck,
she wore his ring,
close to her heart,
their love could never die,
and all of it started with one little lie,
A broken, tortured, piece of a soul,
who's body was shaken, and just too cold,
with wrists scarred so neatly,
and cut ever so clean,
you would never realize,
how much she would scream,
with the pain and the anger,
frustration and hate,
but he found her,
it wasn't too late,
a million tiny pieces of a shattered heart,
resenting the boy that tore it apart,
the pieces lie scattered on the cold tile floor,
pick them up baby,
don't walk out the door.
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
800 points, ended August 15, 2008, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ** *INSPIRE ME PLEASE>> EVERYONE ENTER!!!*** by PrInCeSs AnAsTaCiA.
400 points, ended August 24, 2008, 41 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes, new poems, Anything by Hello...No.One.Home.
525 points, ended September 24, 2008, 104 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I really enjoyed reading this, its flow was great and the ryhming even better.
Just one little thing, on the line;
and cut ever so clean
I think the word cut should have an "s".
But other then that a wonderful poem and I wish you all the best for he future.
Rose -
I Like it,
but you didnt follow the rules -
wow!
fabulous write, loved it! great flow and rhyme and just wow! the emotions were powerful, the words you used to describe them were perfect! -
love this thanks for your entry
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a nice ending. The rhyme was pretty good, but it loses something as it moves along.
"who kept to herself,
with the secrets she couldn't tell,
Somewhere beginning here the flow gets rocky.
I do like the ending a lot though. -
well that was good but sad keep writting sis love you lots
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thanks all, thanks for taking the time to comment, this write is so personal and all true, and im just glad you all read and commetned and didnt just dismiss it, so thanks again!
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this was incredible!
it had great imagery and flowed so nicely.
i know exactly how this feels too [i know everyone says that and no one believes it right?]
amazing job
great write luv
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awww i cried during this. i know this feeling all to well, the pain the fear all of it. and i give you props for again capturing me and leading me in, making me remember...
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Amazing !
Perfect illustration of Perfection. Good art, to produce a piece like this it requires good brain exercise.
Very well written, and continue... -
wow.
absolutly breathtaking.
AMAZING!!
the rhyme was perfect without flaw. GREAT job!
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