are you thinking what I think
you should have thought?
for I am not psychic
and your thinking thoughts
aren't readily available to my
think.
rainbow colored foam to amuse
muse, smitten, but how to
ask if love thoughts
think through your mind?
my sanity as a bubble:
pop.
more amor
and wondering if you could
would
thinking aloud with me
help?
~~~
Author notes
this sucks. I'll probably enter a different one later.
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired by February Moon.
1600 points, ended August 28, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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well done daugher as always, another enjoyable and talented read, love Dad
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love this, so unique and fun.
adored the first stanza it was think thought that
, sorta thing, which was awesome ^_^
lovely job it doesnt suxx!
good luck in the contest
Stephanie ♥
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well done, I really enjoyed this poem, keep writing, Love dad
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This is certainly independent, anyone can see that from the first stanza alone, I mean, seriously. All the little language choices made for a very interesting read. I think the very sparse style and the way it rattled through the brain, was poetically an intense choice. What would be the point of critiquing this though? It breaks bounds and isn't that the point...I like it. Very original.
;
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heheheh 'to my think' NIIIIICE
'my sanity as a bubble:
pop'
*mind gasms* that was SOOO perfect!
I like this poem quite a bit. Sparse, but good. Though the beginning straddled the line of cliche, it managed not to dip in. (in my opinion) Good work!
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Unique
I think it's great. Such a negative attitude about such an original piece. It's clearly unique, and it's fun to read. Not something just anybody could write. I enjoyed the little "pop" about your sanity, what a great description. I'm surprised this was picture inspired, while reading it I was thinking that it was something you lived through- which means you did a great job relating emotions and thoughts. Well done!
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Thanks for your comment!
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First stanza is kinda confusing, other than that I like this.
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