Invasion of the wasted form
Wrought so in iron chains
Divisions sworn immortal
Choose a rhapsody of pain
Incessant pleas defining
Brooding sanity’s behest
Seclusion’s silver lining
Pray monotonous at best
Oh for caustic tempest’s ire
In the soul-darkened abyss
An immobilizing outcome
Love’s broken-mirrored kiss
So detect defected havens
In the reservoir of blood
Somber fluid lines spill
Dark torrent, crimson flood
Revolting consummation
On Furies’ flames shall reap
Treacherous, the foul deeds
Drawn from the ancient deep
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Fantastic creation! This reminds me much of a deep, ancient Greek myth full of magick and glorious tale!Wow. Blew me away [as usual]. I have one question: With this stanza, I'm not sure what you're quite saying. The rhyme and flow are magnificent, but the imagery is a little hard to grasp. What consummation is reaped? Is this a certain vice that you're referring to? Anyways, it's beautiful but a little unclear to me. Maybe you can help me out.
"Revolting consummation
On Furies’ flames shall reap
Treacherous, the foul deeds
Drawn from the ancient deep"
Other than this. WOW. Amazing. Don't change anything. Good to read yours again. Cheers.
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The consummation I speak of usually represents a consummation of a marriage (the fulfillment or positive completetion), but in this sense it is a consummation of horrendous evil, a foul deed of stolen innocence and the opposite of what was meant to be. Hence, the consequence of the shattering of childlike innocence is eternal damnation, in the "ancient deep" or pit, doomed for all eternity. ^_^ I'm glad you liked it.
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Incredible imagery as usual!
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Vivid...
Dark, pain-filled images...
Reminds me of things I've seen,
But I shall not get into that.
Perhaps another time.
In any case,
This is damn well worded,
Flowing...
But, before I begin to ramble onward,
Well done.
One should hope this is not what m'lady feels...
~Saint
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