Since those lies and threads were so thought though
And sweet revenge is so overdue
Here’s my song hunni right from the start
Abstracted it’s a piece of art
Baring in mind though all this shit
You’d never hear me compliment
Your taste, your poise, you fine physique
Yet we all know it’s what you wanted
(Bridge)
Playing the game I admit that
And I should be leaving it at that
Yet some odd reason my mind gives in
I’m Never gunna let you win
Screwed over one too many times
My heart’s withered, dried up and died
Yet your snobby looks inside you protection
Pouring salt into my rejection
Where did it go wrong?
Used to hold you so close
Nowadays just lieing here
Thinking of those who were close and dear
Left without a single thought
Forgot the lessons I’ve been taught
Over the years, Oh what a waste
All those dreams I used to chase
Now left to reside without expectations
You did this without hesitation
Where did it goo ooh so wrong?
Used to hold you so close
(Bridge)
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa (X4)
(Bridge)
Thought you had me beat so soon
No way darling starting anew
Though all this hurt, though all this pain
Standing on my feet again
Too many nights spent all alone
While you been sat upon your throne
Indoctrinating all that you will see
What if i set them all free?
I need more imagination when it comes to names... Capo 5? XD well i like it and the tabs are ace so Yeah XD
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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well THATS frighteningly helpful. btw i'm not one of those emo hardcores who's gunna cry or go into a fit or rage cuz i hardly use this website if this was a prank on purpose so Sucks To Be You :-D
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Really great write! Like to hear it on MTV or something one day!
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There are a few misspellings and grammar errors in this song that distract the reader right off the bat. Double check these lines for instance: "Now way darling starting anew" and "Nowerdays just lieing here". If you want to communicate with the reader and get your message across, you need to do it in a way that they can understand clearly. Other than that, I think this would make a very excellent song, though not a poem per se. I would like to listen to it performed to get the full feel of it though
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Thank you, I've changed the lines you mentioned and it has been said before that it may be a good song but not as good a poem. Is there a way i can put a video up on here? Or do i have to be a silver member or what not?
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hope not
hope its not about me... i said how i felt... u didnt like it... im sorry i want to be an honest person... i wont forget you.... ever wether u do me or not.... i wont u!
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This was not about you. I wrote it cuz i wrote it.
and honesty has nothing to do with it, all i did was fuckin care so bleh tbh.
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It is difficult to judge a song as poetry. Some of the best songs make really lousy poems, eg: Breakfast at Tiffany's, and the inverse is also true. That said, your last two lines were my favorite, as well as "Abstracted it's a piece of art."
Some of the other lines don't come across so clearly, like "Yet your snobby looks inside you protection" and "While you been sat upon your throne." The grammar in this line might be okay for a song if the rest of the song had been written in the same style.
I like your message. I would be interested to hear it with music. -
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I totally understand those points, song writing can be different from poetry in a fair few ways. Mainly in that, when sung, you can get away with a few grammer errors but as the general jist of things go they could be rated the same as poems. If i find a way to put music to this i'm more than happy to though don't be impressed by my singing lol XD.
Thanks for liking the message and all, though do get the feeling your not liking it as the words go
but hey, why i put it up for constructive critisim, i'll have a look at it when i get more feedback. thank you XD
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