No More Masquerading

Feeling as if I could not recover from previous mistakes
But desperately not wanting to go down that road again,
I put on false happiness, and wore confidence as if it were the new fashion.
Somewhere in the core of my heart, though, I still felt I had to go.
That was my own fault, because I'd never really recovered in the first place.
I'd faked my healing process.
No one knew I was standing on prosthetic legs, and even I tried to convince myself they'd be stable enough if I were cautious. 
But when the earth shook beneath me, I fell to the floor...again.
And everyone could see how I'd pieced my heart together with duct tape and superglue.

I wish you could have seen their faces when they realized it had all been a lie.
Maybe I believed it for a while, too, but all the same it was a lie.
And you've never experienced icy weather until you've had someone turn a cold shoulder to you.
That's a blow hard to recover from.

But it was well deserved, I know.

Twice I pretended I was getting better,
but by my third offense,
they knew I wasn't.

Consequences are bitter. I needed that kick in the butt though.
This time I don't hide anything.
Half my problem the first three times was my lack of openess,
my fear of disappointing those around me.
But now I've learned, the worst you can do to them is withhold the truth.
Because eventually the truth comes out and the world is exposed to the blatantly obvious fact that you lied.

So while I try to put my life back together, I do so in honesty.
Honest with myself, honest with my family and friends.

For me to be who I feel I should be it's come down to...

No More Masquerading