Hold your cards tight to the vest
Let no one into the abyss of your heart
To help you through these trials I would feel so blessed
Feelings popped by the dart
Do not fret
For I am here to sooth
With your soul you bet
Make a bold move
All this hate you carry
Trying to alleviate
The aid that you parry
Tempting fate
Let me in Let me in
Im knocking at the door
You drown in your sin
Try to see to the core
Turn a blind eye
Dont let me go
And then with a sigh
I come to realize no means no
Lying in bed
Sheds a tear for you
Like a drop of led
Dont know what to do
Author notes
I did this for a girl I know whos got so many problems in here life but wont let me help her.
Did I over word things?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is very good... and sad
lol, no i liked this... keep writing!!! have a nice day, -slick99
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I would have to say, spell check lol I mean, I understood the words you were trying to use (of course) but that's because I understand typos or mispellings. Other than that, I have to say, I really liked this poem, full of intense emotions. Truly a great write, those with true feelings, of real events, usually come out the best, and they also help get those feelings out, without having to yell, or anything else. I am sorry that she does not want you to help her. But some people, just don't want the help. But, I know that you are the type who needs to help, but you have to just let her be, and maybe one day she will open up to you enough.
xXDCXx
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First off this was really good and yet so sad. This had alot of emotion in it your use of metaphor worked really well with this .I see great talent in your work kepp it flowing never let the ink run dry my dear poeit friend.
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Very pensive and full of emotion to be sure, although I would have liked to see a bit more metaphor myself, otherwise well done and very talented . Now, for a few minor grammatical errors, second stanza, third line, 'sould' I'm assuming you mean, 'soul.' Next, third stanza, second line, you misspelled, 'aleviate' correct spelling is, 'alleviate.' Fourth stanza, second line, 'Im' should be, I'm. Lastly, fifth and sixth stanzas, 'dont' should be don't. That's all, oh and one last thing; spell check can be your friend, I suggest you use it. Happy writing.
Sincerely,
mj.
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Thanks for the honesty though.
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I loved it..it's very sad...I like the emotion you put in this poem..I can relate to this poem a lot..Keep up the good work!
In Christ,
~Kayla~
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!m!(>.<)!m!
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