Without A Dream

Unfulfillingly
I dreamt
Of being your guardian angel
Because you were beautiful
and would never be my own
I would be your guardian angel

Undeniably
Time passed
And you weathered pain alone
now are through it and so strong
And my duty's stayed undone
so where does that leave me?

Undyingly
I'd wait
For you to let me help you through
but I'm empty and a fool
Because you made it with just you
My wings broke when I heard the truth

Unfulfillingly
I dreamt
I would be your guardian angel
Only just to be your anyone
Now the work's over and done
and I will return to being no-one
without a dream
as you are happy

What do I have left to stay around for?

Author notes

This is an extremely personal poem. I guess I loved someone and the love had so many dimensions that I settled for anything; I saw from a distance he was unhappy and hoped one day he would let me help him through. Because things were too complicated for me to just walk into his life, I waited. And now, later on, he is happy. He worked through the pain on his own. And even my fantasy of loving him by only healing him is dead. I have nothing left to stick around for; he doesn't love me back, he doesn't need my help. I have no fantasies left. And no matter how my life and my love for him transform, my caring for him never disappears and this is frustrating because it is unproductive. I will never be able to do anything with it. Not anymore. Not even help him. Because he doesn't need help anymore.