I jumped in front of an ambulance
so that I could be something more
than just bruises from his beatings,
expiring a little more each day.
Never enough for any attention,
never enough for headline news.
Just fading away, silently,
a wretched tragedy unknown.
Author notes
sinnocence
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF Quickie - Word Prompt by Page Deleted..
450 points, ended August 15, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - September is Suicide Awerness and Pervention Month by FallenFromGrace1102.
2620 points, ended October 3, 2008, 70 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GREATEST CONTEST EVER! by Painted Nails.
800 points, ended November 3, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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That was super short, but it's been said that brevity is the soul of wit, or something along those lines.... *nervous chuckle* Anyway, this was powerful . So much feeling in so few words; I'm impressed.
Thanks for entering. -
Hi - thanks for entering my contest - I enjoyed this. Best of luck!
-
Painfully honest
How so many could relate to this
Your words cut to the bone like a knife
This was excellent -
Emotional! Very raw and beautiful... it is somewhat scary (I mean that in a good way). Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering!
Sydney -
omg
omg, raw emotion...short, sweet, to the point...you've just summed up a lot of emotion and pain...excellnt write! well written...keep it up!
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Awe... What a profound piece you have penned.
Well done. I truely enjoyed this
thank you for entering my contest.
Delila -
Beautiful. So scary, and yet so poignant and lovely. I love the imagery of "jumping in front of an ambulance;" the ambulance is there to heal, and yet, how can it if it hits you? This was amazing, you deserved the silver.
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Aww this was such a tragic write.
Emotional yet beautifully penned and
expressed feelings.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Beautiful write. I loved this. Keep up the awesome work. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. my favorite lines are :
"I jumped in front of an ambulance
so that I could be something more
than just bruises from his beatings,
expiring a little more each day."
*~*bee*~* -
one can truly feel the suffering and alienation in this write ... "...so that I could be something more ..." . all of us want a sense of worth.
thanks.
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very emotionally powerful and painful write
well penned
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'I jumped in front of an ambulance
so that I could be something more
than just bruises from his beatings,
expiring a little more each day.'
I lovelovelove that first stanza, especially the use of the ambulance imagery. this was like perfect.
loves.♥
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This piece speaks with so much sadness and hurt. A brilliant interpretation of the prompt.
Thankyou for entering.
Keira
Forever--x -
Sad. You don't mention the opton of just leaving but I guess that isn't an option when you are totally beaten down and lack the confidence to make a decision.
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I jumped in front of an ambulance so that i could be something more. They say a writer never uses one word mistakingly. I love the use of the ambulance, meant to help someone but it runs you over just like a beating from someone who is supposed to love you. I love your metaphors JoJo. You are deep.
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That certainly gripped my attention!
Very emotional and sad.
Feel better. -
Wow, very sad and moving.
What a terrible feeling to have
inside of you. Great work with
this prompt and good luck to you!
Jeremy0826 -
Wow..
Amazing, short and too the point.
SO sad, but really astounding.
Good luck -
whoa, this is a very emotional piece, and you managed to portray the emotions so well! Great job on this, and good luck in your contest.
-
ooh
very emotional, and imagery was powerful here!
keep penning! >.<
GREAT!
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