like a lipstick note on the bathroom mirror
your words reflect your [lies]
take time 'babydoll';
as you slam your fist into me-
and watch your world burst into
flames
miss-materialistic /drama/queen.
licking my wounds with your tongue of ::salt
such a [pitiful] excuse
of something once worth trying
-
like a broken-hearted goodbye on a splintered winter morning
your -tears of lead- fall into my chest
metal planks on silk wings of perfections
ripping [forgotten] dreams from a fragile mind
but
like a lipstick note on a bathroom mirror
you can be washed away
A contest entry
- CONTESTS ARE AWESOME :D by etoile.
525 points, ended September 6, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Bite Me...No Seriously...It Feels Awesome
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wow.wowwowwow. this is absolutely AMAZING. i love the language choice and the punctuation. you really made me visualize what was happening. nice write!
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as you slam your fist into me-
and watch your world burst into
flames
---
ripping [forgotten] dreams from a fragile mind
---
i really liked those lines.
& the last 3 lines were such a good finish to the poem it really hit hard.
however i felt like the first line in the second stanza was awkwardly placed and didnt really fit in with the rest of the poem;
i liked all the imagery and emotions
overall it was a beautiful poem!
goodluck in the contest
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I don't understand the need for punctuation like [p.i.t.i.ful] but that's just my opinion.
I like the last 3 lines.
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ooh. i love this!!
good luck!
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This one is wonderful!!! Good luck in the contest!!
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oOo i really liked this. great write!
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