Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Condemned

today I killed a butterfly
rolling it between my fingers
hate of all things living lingers

 

by strangulating air supply 

I pleasure in its suffering

while cruelly crushing bone and wing

 

in ignorance of "eye for eye"

with arrogance I spit on fate 

and squeeze the juices on my plate

 

ill manufactured alibi

empty stomach no repentance 

devouring whole the evidence 

 

and in the end alone I'll die 

with selfishness my only friend 

a maggot incarnate condemned 

 

Author notes

My first shot at a Constanza.
2. ANYTHING! (some people hate restrictions)

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • e m i l y
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was actually very interesting.
    I like the thoughts used. It makes it eerie and dark
    and at the same time very thought provoking.


    • sheltered
      August 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      It was fun to experiment with a new form.


  • Gypsie Ink
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wicked!

    Twisted, repulsive and utterly undeniably perfect. A gross interruption of morbidness. I love the dark and this portrays the best of it. Bravo from my emotional meter! Gypsie


  • Solidified
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I just can't even see past the poor little butterflies death to embrace your magnificent display of words. Such beauty, and yet my heart is tormented as the wings of the crushed insect.


    • sheltered
      August 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol... i'm gonna write that


    • sheltered
      August 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      if a trillilogram of justice
      be upheld then do deny
      as thee unspoken once betrothed


  • knock
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yum yum


  • cheaphotelsign
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that's what i'm talkin' 'bout...WOW...i'm almost speechless..hope you don't mind me sayin but this reminds me of me..my style and thinking...i'm in love and awe with this write...today i killed a doob rolling it between my fingers...you are so good sooo very good


  • ScarletO gold member
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have been murdering fleas all day myself, even catching them and squeezing their guts out. lol Oh, the satisfaction of torturing them to death!!!

    This poem goes into great detail of the way you killed and almost took pleasure in it,,,but then the lingering guilt of it all will kill you in the end. At least that is how you have written it. I think there a good counseling places for ex-butterfly murderers, I think you can be reformed. I wish you well.


    • sheltered
      August 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      lol

      My name is Tim... and I have a killin' problem.


  • Cannonsfire
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh you cruel beast! LOL...I usd to do it to flys and to spiders. Have you ever seen a spider trying to walk on two legs it's highly amusing


  • notorious
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I pleasure in it's suffering=I pleasure in it is suffering

    I think not...change it to 'its'.

    Okay, that first stanza is amazing (if not sadistic )
    You use 2 gerunds in that sentence...which actually works wonderfully.

    "eye for eye"==>eye-to-eye
    Hyphens? Maybe.
    Only if you wanna.

    "with arrogance i spit on fate"
    WOW. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
    It's so bitchy and self-assured.
    AWESOME!!!

    "& squeeze the juices on my plate"
    Sadistic!!! I love this. It's...er, very juicy?

    "ill manufactured"
    Hyphen?

    "empty stomach no repentance"
    Hehe...very cool.

    "with selfishness my only friend"
    Hmm...not the best amigo.
    But a fun one?

    "a maggot incarnate condemned"
    LMAO is all I have to say.

    This was kick-ass.
    Good luckers

    • sheltered
      August 10, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I hadn't realized that "its" was already possesive. Thanks.
      I also didn't know what gerund meant... and i'm still confused.

1 - 15 of 15