you complained
of a headache, ripping
screaming
as they pushed the
square
of your brain
into a cirular skull
while you turned and flipped
and tossed your body carelessly
on the balance beam
and I watched from your sidelines just wishing I could be more like
you
graceful.
a swan
a gymnast
a star
Godless, but full of beauty.
You discouraged me
saying:
they look at me all wrong
upside down,
without doubt
that my bones will eventually
fail, and my skin will stretch
and rip
full of scars and
tell-tale marks
of a used to be
dream
all wrung out and hung up to dry.
You look like you
lost your will to believe
in God
in dreams
because they made you
turn your back on us
sitting on the porch in our
rocking chairs
rocking
ro-cking
watching, and rocking
their bony fingers dug deep
as they tore you away
from us
to become something
barely 15
so that you could be
proud
when you become a
wrinkled, broken woman of 33
lost and alone
without your words
from the book of
God! It might be so simple
but somehow
love got tangled up in it
and you
got
lost
without it.
Author notes
Edit # 1.
A contest entry
- Controlled Vomiting: Can you puke beautifully? by onerios13.
1400 points, ended August 17, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Trying to make this into a song. Suggestions would be appreciated.
Comments
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The flow of this one moved very well. I think it could be heavily edited, however, because it seems to ramble a bit in parts, especially where the repetition occurs. Someimes, repetition works to emphasize something and sometimes it sounds like you just couldn't think of anything else to say there, but you wanted to keep the flow going, ya know? The emotions are here, but it's not "controlled" enough at this point. That's a hard balance to find, though, if it can be found at all. I appreciate your entry. It was strong and the story was incredibly inviting in that I was immediately involved.
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this is nice, it's emotional.
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