`
waking up from
a rooster's calling;
sunlight
pinching your skin.
boosting the day -
normally
bittersweet aroma
'coffee's voice'
reminds the road
of an appetizing day -
as it should
pillars rise as
you brush the denture
of greeting,
and unfold tasks
as you fold the sleeves
of a cleanly
denoted t-shirt.
then, you trance
the ballet steps of life
and stumble in
its multiple definitions.
`
Author notes
Inspired by the poem "Things shouldn't be so hard".
A contest entry
- Poetry Inspired... by Mallig.
3000 points, ended August 17, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! III by Nam.
1750 points, ended April 14, 159 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A good poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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yes simplicity but the magic of your words made them otherwise.
galing!!!
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I love poetry written in this style. With simplicity we can create something beautiful, and you have. Love, Lane
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I loved the incredible imagery of this piece, and the interesting and clever phrasings – “sunlight pinching your skin” “brush the denture of greeting” and “trance the ballet steps of life"... such a wonderfully creative portrait of simplicity. Thank you for this entry!
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Appealing "bittersweet aroma, 'coffee's voice'." Very nice assonance with "an appetizing day."
Delightful "brush the denture of greeting!" Neatly balanced "unfold tasks" and "fold the sleeves."
You convey in the last stanza that we repeat the long-known dance of routine as if in a trance, yet stumble on "a flattened surface [of] simplicity." Are the "multiple definitions" those of simplicity, individuals, routines, homemaking, or something else? I feel I am missing something you are pointing me to...
Some lovely descriptions in this piece! Thank you for your entry.
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oh, I like what you've done with the title
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"and unfold tasks
as you fold the sleeves
of a cleanly
denoted t-shirt."
as always, beautiful poetry.
The title sounds a little weird..maybe
'a flat surface exists as simplicity'?
or with known in it, but I would as an s on exists
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"you brush the denture
of greeting"
Fabulous line. There is a lovely melancholy about this poem. Yes, indeed, things shouldn't be so hard... I know days like this too - you wrote it so very well. Lovely sharp visuals here.
~ Nicolette
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