When,
feted pheromones lick
on nasal passage,
cling to motes of memories
from so long ago.
A time when drapes created shade
not barriers to world
content to revolve despite my absence.
When,
lonely walls ignore questions
to answers I know,
and the metronomic symphony
cascades against my pane,
bringing streaks of clarity
to misplaced childhood.
While I trip on splinters
of my tomb.
When,
love songs call me
through crying jukebox,
where a quarter buys a partnership in rhyme
and the cold embrace
of ice cube melody,
distorts loneliness to contentedness,
then these littered pills
offer security.
Author notes
Fug-azi
Inspired by Pinholes by Annalise
A contest entry
- My 350th contest Invite Only ...Group One by poet2angels.
800 points, ended August 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The metaphor in this piece is simply outstanding (a skill I've never mastered) the way you weaved this tale into a masterpiece of beauty was amazing. Hopefully those littered pills are good ones
Best of luck to you in the contest, you should do quite well with it.
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loneliness can cling like a damp mist, you express as much with a poignant touch of phrase, the melodic melancholy is almost bitter sweet.
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All I am going to say is WOW! I think you can count on that expression from me personally as I believe I am up to about 1000 WOW's when it comes to leaving you a comment Bro!
Your metaphors are brilliant,your emotion just surges through,touching the heart.
It is truly a pleasure to read your poems!!
Jazzy
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WOW,
The metaphor here is so amazing...
"When,
love songs call me
through crying jukebox,
where a quarter buys a partnership in rhyme"
You are the king when it comes to metaphor and the knight of Shadow...This one has it all..
I would like to take this time to thank you, Bro, for being one of my top favorites on AP and everywhere...You inspire me and have taught me that I not always have to write for others, I may write for myself, reflecting my moods and heart and soul...
Thank you for being here for me as a mentor and friend, for having my back on so many occasions just like a real Bro would...You know how much I care....♥
Lynda
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I have taught you nothing that wasn't already there
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frigging amazing..
Colin..you are THE MASTER OF METAPHOR....your genius use of the english language..just blows me away..this has to be one of your best writes..notwithstanding...you have many brilliant ones..this one seemed to jump right before my eyes..with a little bit of melancholy dark on the side..you do it soo well..thanx so much for sharing..blessings...and best of luck in the contest..namsate..
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