the lace cuffs cover the knuckles;
the root, the delusions,
roundabout the old man said with a chuckle,
South Mountain just a shape
in the light of the moon.
Tomorrow they will hang the hogs
by their mitts
and strip their guts
The road dust will amount to nothing much
soldiers pass by all the time,
when they go the wrong way
something is amiss with their eyes...
the girls have gone after
whortle berries
black berries strawberries apples plums
and oleander
they should be home soon
it is quiet
leaving aside the stray breeze.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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i have to agree with motorcycylefreak, definately brought stone mountain to mind.
favorite lines:
soldiers pass by all the time,
when they go the wrong way
something is amiss with their eyes... -
loved the metaphors..not really my type of writing, but I enjoyed it.
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Excellent
This reminds me of Stone Moutain in Georgia/ With the Civil Wat Carving on the side. I especially love the hanging the hogs stanza. It reminds me of living with my Grandpa when it was hog slaughtering season. Very Well Done. ~Peace~Gar
. Rewarded 4
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This actually brought to mind an old Twilight Zone episode that had Civil War soldier marching by a farm "something...amiss with their eyes" -- they were already dead, and marching who knew where... I guess the lace cuffs, the old man chuckling, and the girls off fruit-picking didn't make me think this was peaceful, but rather a scene on the edges of war, a longing for a return of the family, a hope for more quiet, more stray breezes... very well done, and a wonderful read. I will look forward to more of your work!
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Funny how the lack of light can reduce the largest thing to a mere shape in the background. It seems like everything here is waiting for a certain tomorrow, as if life has stopped or become uncertain.
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Lovely piece. Rich imagery.. This is a joy to read and one to come back too and read again. Weel done poet. d
. Rewarded 4
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a sense of wholeness in this work, through the use of the imagery, that gives one a sense of much more unsaid.
thanks.
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well this is not much of my taste but indeed I liked it.. very good piece!
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Lovely work here!
I love the metaphors that you used
in this one. Well done and thanks
a lot for sharing it here!
Jeremy0826 -
Woah. Beautiful flow, and I like the spacing you used here!
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I really loved the metaphors that you used to paint a really good and well crafted image.. it flowed really well too.. Sank into the mind of the reader.. well done!! thank you very much for sharing!
Angel
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Some good imagery here. I assume the lack of commas in your list was intentional. Interesting way to present it. My favorite line would have to be the old man's chuckle. It added another sense to the poem. Like a conversation. Lovely.
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the girls have gone after
whortle berries
black berries strawberries apples plums
and oleander
they should be home soon
it is quiet
leaving aside the stray breeze.
Very restful, full of imagery, easy to visualize
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For some reason this reminds me of the Waltons. Although, it does have a very peaceful quality about it, and I can tell you have lived in the country. I love the peace of the country myself. Good write.
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Do you know, somewhere in the ...
1860's on my birthday September 14, soldiers fought for possession of the South Mountain passes ... and there were 4,500 casualties ... And: in times of war and of peace, girls do gather around soft fruits ... and a beautiful poem should always end with:
it is quiet
leaving aside the stray breeze
A stray canto, indeed, Lutie.
Love
Myra
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Lol at Lisa...not if I pinch it first!!!
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I think I'll steal this poem.
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