Soda Label Butterflies

soda labels masquerade as butterflies kissing the sunrise
over-looking tortured jellyfish donuts
lying on the beach just outside of sweet caress
sea maiden's reach,
she is a freak magnet for texting addicts
as the moon controls the tides of everyday conversation,

the riverboat dreamer
dressed in scarlet and yellow
mellow in thoughts of happier skies bought in yester-tomorrow
high on musings of me,
it is to flee from misery
escape to the cape
dive right in
to begin anew
in the great big blue
to know the kiss of nothingness
--to appreciate the kiss of something-ness
even more--

though you adore your own self-created nothingness
all alone with stars for company and cars for dreams
it seems as yet to see
if freedom is free
if to think is to be
when all you want to do is flee to the skirt seams of the sky
and wonder why you were even made . . .

jade
the rosy lens you see life through changed colors
transformed as the soda label butterfly in imaginary cocoon,
swoon
to see if it's worth picking yourself up again
set my life's tape on rewind
so I can find where it was I lost
the car keys to drive my dreams forward
where did I toss those blasted things anyway?

or has someone else picked them up
took off into the sunset leaving me to create new dreams
out of shadows, where can I go
on woman's intuition alone?
home is where my purse is with the carry-along toiletries
poetry and prose dried pressed loveless distressed rose
and everything else that knows it's place
except for my pretty face.
it left the memory of where it should be
right next to the misplaced car keys . . .

why do I write faster than I think
but try to get me talking and I start walking
towards the exit door
into the brink of my shy oblivion?

Free-verse home in a purse
everyone ends up in a hearse one day anyway
so leave your worries at bay, procrastinate
self destruction play!
there's so much trouble you have yet cost yourself
there's still more to be lost

fall completely
rock bottom

it's okay
indestructible
right . . .
fuck that
pull the mask back on
yet another task worth carrying out before the last

"yesterday is the past that's why they call it history
the future is a mystery and today is a gift,
it's why they call it the present"

well I'll set a new precedent

don't tell me what's going on now, I frankly don't give a shit
and I don't care for what's dancing in my rearview mirror
just what's in front of me

give me my new horizon
give me my solitary peace
leave me the fuck be already
give me my cigs, my pot, my beer,
let me toy with my
self destruct button just a little longer . . . .
give me a car,
I want to live in the backseat and meet freedom on my own
greet the new day where I can see it shine

I'll be fine
I am fine
I can't lie to you . . .
I'll just avoid telling more than you need to know
I will hide my pain again and again
because I will not be just your shy little kitten baby doll
I will not be that sob story girl you thought you knew but didn't really,
I will not wake you when I have a nightmare
I'll just find a corner in the other room where you can't watch me break

so I will not be your burden, just my own,
I will not cry on your shoulder
I will not tell you when I feel like I want to die
I will not let you pick me up when I fall
I will not let you carry me when I can't even stand
--at least I'll try not to anyway--

I have my pride
so I will hide my eyes when the waterworks start
so you don't have them on your conscious when we part,
when the world travels downhill fast in a Wall-Mart shopping cart

I'll just enjoy the ride
hair a mess in the wind,
dash around the bend
lend a fellow misfit angel a hand
disappear
disappear
disappear
into the gloss of ninja
soda label butterflies