I'm in a nightmare given to me from satan
And I will suffer for my faults
Every cut and stab burns deeply in my soul
I wouldn't give this hell to anyone
As the fire reaches my heart it pounds out of my chest
Let it be the end when my heart bursts
But I'm not that lucky
I will watch the blood gush from my veins
I can't even ask to be saved because this is my hell and always will be
Why be saved when i will be back
Author notes
ya
A contest entry
- Cutters, Bleeders & Blood covered chocolate by Devilish Temptation.
600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - nightmares by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended August 14, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hope is But a Lost Dream by Lost Vampyre Angel.
600 points, ended September 15, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Walking into the Darkness! by vampireblood.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This was good, just a few errors grammatically, but others have pointed that out already. Overall, good piece. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
Vampy -
giving >> given
i >> I
reachs >> reaches
pound >> pounds
im >> I'm
rush >> gush [ because it makes it sound better blood doesn't rush straight away it more gushes out]
always will >> always will be
overall this poem was very very cliche but was an ok read
I think you should work on this alittle bit and add more poetic devices such as alliteration or personification. Thank you for entering 
poetic hugs!
-kitty xxx -
Nicely done. Thanks for joining my contest.
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wow wow amazing poety when I think of that last line it reminds me of re-incarnation well done creating this intense poem thank you so much for your entry and good luck
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