I'm treated like an object
moored at sea,
distant from the shoal water
searching with spyglass scopes
and audiometric devices
for life
as the sea floor spreads.
Facing hard times
I cast over an old net
seemingly into an omniscient sea
but continue to find
charming hypochondriacs,
generalizations,
comparisons,
kindness occasional,
justifications,
theories,
intellectual chatter crabs -
all
except expressed emotions
tressed
in ropes
tugging
like hands of fire
with nothing to burn
on the rungs of my DNA helices.
Perhaps,
approaching land
with a gait
adapted to the sea
will be worth more
than your claptrap
sentiments.
I'll place one step in front of the other
soldiering on
through the briny wind
to reach the uncomfortably cool
night shore
and bring people together
for warmth -
around the lighthouse
at the end of this world.
Whatever bestowed, debriefed
or missed on the way,
may I never suffer
a starved imagination
somehow keeping life
in a jar.
Author notes
Thank you Lj for hosting this contest as it brought some liberation to a long process of freedom. Blessings to all 
A contest entry
- Crude by Lj-.
450 points, ended August 10, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive Criticism
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great imagery and thoughts held together by a wonderful penmanship.
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This is highly original and modern. I love free verse when it doesn't just sound like a prose broken up into shorter lines, but the way it's written actually has something to do with the message you want to get across. I think we've all felt like this at time, trapped in our own devices, but still enjoying the life that we lead. It's a fine line between taking the other path and getting lost on that path. A wonderful read, I hope to hear more from you in the future, so keep up the great work and I'll see you again on Allpoetry
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wow, great imagery and flow. The beginning of the poem really leaves it up to the reader to imagine whats going on. Than you tie it all together nicely at the end of the poem by taking the reader in the direction you want them to go. Well done.
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Humm..you made me to think over the image you have created here my friend..wonderful inded...Thank you so much for sharing such a wonderful write..
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Hello Red Rocket.
I have to say your write could read as a tip of the hat to Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar", but I don't know enough about the author or that book to say with a large degree of certainty. So I shall give you my own interpretation:
Reads of a person who feels isolated from the rest, and is at both times, thankful and regretful about this. Thankful for they are not devoid of the spark of life, unlike the sheeple, with routines like machines that express no true emotions that make one feel alive. But regretful for she is alone, lost out at sea. It also reads of being trapped in a vessel that is just as machine like, perhaps acknowledging that she too has to be a part of the world she rejects at times, or has a body that is designed for the world it is in; but has drawbacks.
There is a strong hint that the situations in the writers life, the hard times, brought no change in the response from the people within her life, for it either brings the same type of people, if not the same people, and thus the same response.
The remark, which seems to be of a more personal nature, for the "your claptrap", is obviously by no means a generic term for all, suggests that is aimed at someone specific, or perhaps all of them, for if they are all the same, what is the difference?
Also there is a sense that the writer has had many battles, and no matter the damage taken, still stands by her ethos, and will continue to do so, as her ethos is to live.
That is what I got from your write, I could be well off, hahaha, but it is an abstract personal write, which always makes it difficult.
My only critical comment would be, the punctuation needs sorting out, it would help to let the reader know when to pause and take in what you have said. Congratulations on your Honourable Trophy.
My regards.
Edit: Had to correct something.
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