Each coming day
brings more pain than the last.
I don't want to feel
ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!
My paths to solitude
lay inanimate on the table.
On the far left,
a gun.
Next to that,
a bottle of whiskey and sleeping pills.
Next to that,
a fresh, still in the cardboard, razor blade.
And on the far right,
a belt.
There's so many voices
but not so many choices.
Which one did I choose?
That's for me to know,
and for you to find out.
Author notes
32) Write a suicide note, in the form of a poem. See "Empty Spaces" and "Please Don't Feel At Fault" by me.
A contest entry
- FIVE YEAR AP ANNIVERSARY BASH!!!! by Auburn Sunrise.
5000 points, ended August 15, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, dark, and even darker by Luciferschild.
600 points, ended February 24, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - looking for new favourites :) by etoile.
950 points, ended July 24, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Lives inside this concrete cell
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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this is just a complete maserpiece of powerful soul seering heart stopping emotion...and i relate to it so well.....the dragon inside you breathed its fire in this one.....you rock my friend in words....this is bookmarked
T
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YOU HAVE A STRONG SOUL....you never spare the words that break
through and impact our hearts!
such a fine and natural writer you are...
I wish you could see your talent clearer
so that you could ..HEAR....WHAT I HEAR IN YOU...
a bold man is a magnificent and beautiful soul!
much love,
ears/Ap mum
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Don't be so sad!
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good luck in the contest! I love this..so beautiful...
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This poem definitely has an interesting twist on the typical suicide poem. thank you for entering and good luck
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I found this intense and personal... until the end. The ending wasn't
Perhaps it's just me... cliffhanger's aren't my usual style. I think you did a brilliant write up to that point. I love the choices, as "inanimate on the table"... perhaps delving into the results instead of the objects might have added a bit (i.e. rather than gun - grey matter forming abstract patterns on the wall). Just some random thoughts... I enjoyed the read.
Ken
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i thank you for your comment. there is actually a bit of backstory to this poem. it actually isn't about me. my best friend commited suicide last year. the one year aniversary is actually coming up on the 20th, but the point is that he didnt leave a note. i had entered a contest where one of the options was to write a suicide note so i tried to write a note from his pespective. you know, they find the note on the table, and then they are left searching the house wondering what they are going to find. im glad that you enjoyed the read.
Rob
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That is deep and intense. its well written and you have a great style about you and you write with your heart. I love your thinking and your way. great job here and keep penning.
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Wow how dark.. glad to know this is for a contest and not your true thoughts- I hope
The one bit resembles yelling so much it makes me back off as if I'm the one causing you to feel pain. Well done.
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Rob! I have to agree with Auburn! This is an amazing write HOWEVER now I am worried lol. Please let me know how you are doing! Miss you hun!
love ya,
Sarah
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I have mixed feelings and thoughts about this poem.
On one hand, it's brilliantly written. The harrowing little details are fascinating and all too realistic - written only by someone who has actually been there (this comment from another person who has been there).
I especially loved this description:
"a fresh, still in the cardboard, razor blade."
That is so... detailed. Chilling. Cold and real. Which makes it so fascinating.
Then, on the other hand we have the fact that you are a close friend of mine whom I care for deeply - and I see you writing this. I recognize that this is not a poem or an emotion that can be faked - this comes from a deep place inside, the darkest corner of your mind where you already feel dead and are just waiting for the moment of confirmation.
I am more than a little freaked out that you are writing this... especially so realistically.
I feel like you were there, looking at all your options, maybe only days or hours before you wrote this. It disturbs me in a way I cannot explain.
Pleae let me know you are doing all right. I'm really worried now.
Still... this is a very impressive write. A perfect suicide note in poetic form. You blew my "Supernova", "Empty Spaces", and "Innocent Until Proven Guilty" right out of the water! Yours is so much more real and raw.
Great job!!! Thanks for entering... but not for freaking me out. LOL.
I luv ya and I hope you're ok! -
Well executed (no pun intended) the thought process and delivery were outstanding! You've pulled me in and created an outstanding image of despair! One doesn't have to have these thoughts to be able to stand in the shoes of one who has. One only needs to bear witness to pain and despair.
Good luck in the contest!
tmd
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Ooo I loved this. I liked the imagery and metaphors. They were subtle, but really made this simple piece play out. And oh my. The ending was great.
"Which one did I choose?
That's for me to know,
and for you to find out."
It seems almost humorous. Like you're getting in one last laugh.
"There's so many voices
but not so many choices."
I don't know why but those lines really stood out to me and put a slight smile upon my lips.
Anyway, all in all, you've penned yet again another great poem. Good luck in the contest.
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vivid poem that strikes deep.
and yet here you are...putting pen to ink....knowing
damn well....life is worth.... every aching breath that
we cause ourselves to bleed."
well done on this prompt!
You pierced us through and through!
ears/Seattle
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