How Things Are Seen In This World

I often question my place on this earth. How did I awake on this dirt?
Left cursed and even worse, I don’t remember giving any permission, so why am I living?
Existing in this life on earth sh!$, this ashes to ashes, dust to dirt sh!$.
If that’s all I’m worth then why couldn’t I just stay where I was at first before this birth sh!$?
Then, in this skin I’ve been placed in, this race has been anything but sweet, at least not to me.

Now some people believe that we are all more like spiritual seeds planted in flesh and left to grow in due season, along with proper nourishments like feeding and weeding, We will begin to be seen as true being in this world.

Some think that we, I mean you and me, are more like a part of the basic design of evolution and that there is no higher power who guides these improvements that each species has gone through over the ages.
And that there is no conscience effort for the universal changes that take place in our part of this space.

But I still can’t make sense of who I got to this place.

Then, as if I were in the midst of disorganization, there arose a strange sensation.
Sort of like an epiphany or revelation, a manifestation of a serene scene was painted across the landscape of my frame of mind.
I saw myself while I was lying, submerged inside the house of God, watching all that happened while I lay napping within the Holy Grail.
There were no sights or smells and not a lot more t tell except that it felt so good. No, amazing!
Can man, using any means, explain it or describe that kind of feeling?
True creation on this plane of existence.
I had been allowed to bare witness to that story written down in Genesis, or was it imprisonment?
See this was not just any random experience. It was somehow familiar, almost like I knew, had a sense that this vision was not a coincidence.  Cause this womb, of which I was in clear view, become a tomb for one of the two who grew within this Eden of Flesh, just to die before her blooming.
Before our moving into this world of gloom, forever divided in two like we were.
It reminded me how my little twin sis’ didn’t get to witness this deliverance into this new womb type tomb with a tad bit more room to stretch, but much harder to catch a breath.

Sometimes I wish I had gone too. Went straight on through the gate with her on that date. But I alone had to stay and deal with destiny and fate.
Was there something owed I had to pay? Was there some sacrifice I still had to make?
I could say that fate has dealt me a bad hand, with no foundation on which to stand.
Way too far gone to firmly grasp the ground we tread, being led by the spiritually dead, we stay silent, following blindly into the night.

Our plight soon grows to expose those cuts and bruises protruding from the tares of my tanned skin.
In the state I’m in, I can’t win. So I throw my cards in.
It get’s harder then, to play that fate game, cause I defeat my self being too afraid to loose again, to feel the pain of being used again.
So I refuse to mend the tares of flesh and just ignore the game altogether.
Thinking I’d be better off never even being born
Then to continually live as one scorned because of the color of the skin I’ve been born in or the fact that seems more like where I’ve been imprisoned in.
But, then I think back to when my moms carried me for a while within.
I’d hear that still soft voice that makes me smile again.
Cause now I can see moms in the bed laying down again.
And she emits that very sweet sound again,
Rubbing her belly and singing out loud again.
Dedicating the song to the children she’ll one day bring to this world,
Or what kind of lives she’ll leave to this world.
I can almost see what being born really means to this world.
If we made no excuses and simply be in this world,
We could change how being human can be seen in this world.