an insomniac's dream

wishing to curl up in that ball
to just die away and leave it all to itself
but I can't sleep
why can't I do this?
why can't I manage this night?

I want to sleep
to just make it past today
but I can't
I'll dream again
I can't dream again

why can't I just stop this
make the pain go away like it has before
but it hurts too much
it burns and it scolds
just thinking of you kills

my heart shatters
bit by bit
once again
at your hand again...

I can only deal with this for so long
I can only deal with so much deception
before I explode
before it all comes back

but they tasted so good
but it felt so nice
once more won't hurt will it?
just the thought makes my heart race
the idea of that again...
just feels so fulfilling

but I can't
for I have His reassurance
but it hurts so bad
but it's so hard to feel for sure

take one in
it won't do any harm
maybe just this once
maybe just this once

but I can't go back!
I finally escaped that insanity
finally found my way out

hysterics again
falling apart again
what the fuck?!