Children entertain
peek-a-boo glimpses
behind ribbons
stitched in brims
of traveled hats
where kites chase
cotton candy
and fireflies flicker
shooting stars
across the backs
of turtle-slumbered
foothills
though colors
rain vivid
in innocent minds
fountains never flow
swift enough
to carry home
pennies wished upon
in gleam
of youthful eyes
responsibility
finds blossom
upon abandonment
of shade
limbs stretch curious
wandering independant
ties have a way
of unravelling quicker
when you pull
and society always finds
a seam to finger
we may leave behind
smile's slide
to peruse newspaper
from a park bench
but deep
between the print
a child still swings on
dipping his toes
in heaven
Author notes
My thoughts on the picture.
http://yofikus.deviantart.com/art/isoCologne-82990476
A contest entry
- Individualized pics #4 by notorious.
2239 points, ended August 19, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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"turtle-slumbered"<--will use this Congrats
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We are all kids inside really aren't we!
The second to last stanza is definitely my favourite for it holds so much sad truth!!
Wonderful poem bro!
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Why the hell isn't my long comment below rated?
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Because it sucked!
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Sheesh, no more bubble tea or happiness for you.
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ahhhh, the ending slays me, it's so good
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This is a precious piece of excellent poetry.
~Meg
`
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You & the word 'slays'.
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LMAOLMAO
You chose the crazy video-game-esque pic?
It's SUCH a silly picture...but 'tis a fun-looking one!1
I guess you overdosed on writing about Keanu Reeves.
"Children entertain
peek-a-boo glimpses <--hyphens in "peek-a-boo"...ROCK ON!!
behind ribbons
stitched in brims
of traveled hats"<--I look like a moron in hats...except maybe baseball caps.
"where kites chase
cotton candy
and fireflies flicker
shooting stars
across the backs
of turtle-slumbered
foothills"
I love this!! It's vivid imagery, and it makes me feel (oh my God) REALLY HAPPY.
LoL...or at least, vicariously happy.
Also reminds me a LOT of "Highway's Halfway". It has the same happy imagery.
"fountains never flow
swift enough"
This makes me sad now.
"pennies wished upon
in gleam
of youthful eyes"
Are they really getting rid of the penny? This is a cool analogy.
"upon abandonment
of shade"
Me likes mucho.
"ties have a way
of unravelling quicker
when you pull
and society always finds
a seam to finger"
OOOH...this may be my favorite part. I love this. It has societal depth amidst this cotton-candy confection of FUN.
"we may leave behind
slide's smile"<--I love possessive forms, but this felt a tiny bit odd to me.
"to peruse newspaper
from a park bench"
I'm thinking of a bum on a bench--rad!!
"but deep
between the print
a child still swings on
dipping his toes
in heaven"
I feel both
& .
How the hell do you manage to do that to me?
Thanks for entering after mucho nagging.
Good luck
<--Your face
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C
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
There's not apostrophe!!!
*dies*
....
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Hehe, that's why you're my sister
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there!! no there's no apostrophe, ( or lack thereof ) to worry about
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What do you have against the gorgeousness of apostrophes?
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Happy now? no need for apostrophes
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Well, 'no' should be capitalized.
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Oooh he'll like that one!
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No I wont!
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Well maybe you need me to give you some inspiration, tell Jess you need sensual to curl your toes and then come see me
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Uhm. For the SMG pic? I think not. She looks crazed.
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LMAO he wants a new one. Damn! I'll have to find somebody else to target with Sarah Michelle Gellar.
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http://mistyallure.deviantart.com/art/The-Return-Website-60643573
Not Keanu Reeves.
Not related to Neo at all.
Aren't you proud of me?
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As much as I hate to do this and this will actually be the first time ever can i request something else? Im tired of writing for pics of womenor people in general for that matter.
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You could make SMG transgendered (okay, please don't do that). Or make her an atypical chick...a murderer.
Damn, I LOVE that pic. Well, you owe me now.
Okay, new pic is on the way.
http://yofikus.deviantart.com/art/isoCologne-82990476
BUAHAHAHAHAH I love the colors & the silliness.
You will probably eat me.
or:
http://loveu83.deviantart.com/art/Constantine-20638270
Well. Enough said.
Very cool blend.
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One of these will work nicely. thank you!!!
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Good luck my love
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You owe me some Sarah Michelle Gellar stuff now
*puts this task on black list* -
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Thats fine. just try not to make her dripping blood
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What!! That's the best part
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oooh I like the second one even if it is Keanu!!! you are so predictable lol
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You don't like the first pic? It makes me think of video games. LoL...that was a bit of a joke.
Constantine was a good movie, & it's a refreshing change from The Matrix, is it not?
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I thought of Mario brothers lol..the second one is kind of dreamy romantic like I think of my Dan lol
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Mario Brothers--ME TOO! That's why I liked it. LMAOLMAO
No, the second picture is not about Dan. It's about Keanu Reeves dammit.
LoL
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Oh I could make it about Dan
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*sigh*
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lol it's what you write to me after the love notes ;(
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lol
a poem is what is in your constapated bootie
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*grins*
HOLD ON I'll get a pic
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