Do you remember?

it’s been one whole year now do you
remember
remember the questions you asked me remember my
answer which felt more like a
forced confession remember the way i
smiled awkwardly after the truth had been yanked s.t.r.a.i.g.h.t. (yesno)
out my lips cause i
didn’t know what else to do with my
face
remember the first thing you did was to
put your arms around me & say you
(s.till) loved me & remember how my
arms at my sides were limp with
shock –
?

mom today is the day one year
after will you
remember what happened that
hot sunny day when i hadn’t slept in
twenty-four hours plus & i was leaving in
four & i had smiled awkwardly two day before when
you had talked about her (--nes) in that café across the
field of cement from the hotel
& you finally took a
clue –
?

mom today is the day that means
365 days of you knowing the t.ruth of me
r.unning from acknowledging the fact of the
(does it) matter to you
did you mark that day in your (do you) mind
forever the way i did so that today you’ll
go on (feigning?) not caring the way you always have & i’ll
wonder if you’re actually concealing (do you feel)
disgustregretdisappointment for my sake
like.i.always.do. –
?

mom today means twelve months of me hiding my
eyes from yours when you
(why do you) try to bring it up
will you (i know you) regret asking yet again will you
feel me thinking these thoughts will you feel the s.ilen.ce that’s
grown between us like a chasm will you feel me
wishing you didn’t know will you
worry i’m wishing i weren’t (one of t.h.e.m.) will you
think of how i’ve made those comments to try to
pretend i’m normal while knowing all along i’m
n.o.t. that no number of games can make you
(can’t)
forget –
?