Shadows increasing upon my skin
As these nights grow longer
Whilst the dawn seems so far away
Crisp cries cascading off the walls
Are they of your dead soul or mine?
Leave me here on my own
You punctured my heart
Simply to see how much I bled
Don't say a word
For they drip with tainted lies
I don't care what you say
Or how many lies you weave
I've lost my will to believe in you
As these cold tiles turn into comfort
You'll forget me so quickly
As this piano finally stops
The music slowly ending
As the notes become visible
And consume me in defence
I don't care if you leave me
This will be where I die
No coffin will I need for my body will rot
And slowly the ashes will be lost
Your eyes so tainted
As this night grows longer
And I can feel my heart bleed
But I don't care
I've lost my faith and what they call beauty
Is but a falsified version of lies
Let me ashes whisper to the night
I'll scream to you now
As I wait for these doors to echo shut
And the silence of night to replace this music
As the brilliance slowly fades
Whilst my soul continues to slowly die
Author notes
option 2
BarbedWireButterfly
A contest entry
- " If You Were Dead Or Still Alive " by Asabouros..
700 points, ended August 18, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
...This seemed a little, "eh" to me, It's not by any fault of your own, I just don't enjoy these types of writes all that much. You do have a few really well crafted lines in there, but you repeated the word "whilst" and it caught me up.
I also believe two of your lines would read better like this:
" I've lost my faith in what they call beauty
For it is but a falsified visual lie "
^ Just my own taste.
Thanks for entering
OH! And PAH-LEASE Put your AP NAME in the AN!!!!
-
Wow...breathtaking...
Good luck in the contest, I bet you'll do well.
This was SO beautiful and full of sorrow...
And I love the mention of the piano-- I believe it is the most beautiful instrument.
Wonderful job!
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