premature
this is how
it feels to digress
into a mythical creature,
something I have always longed for
since the day
you took to explaining
the constellations
and human nature.
I want to
harness your words
and paint them over
my body,
hiding my flaws
with the beauty of your speech.
I will wait for the sun
to dry me,
becoming
a book turned out
and opened to one page
that reads something
like the shallowest
waters
when they are stained
with oil and color.
lesson:
skin deep
is subjective,
I learned the hard way
digging my nails
into your back
only to find
seagulls
pouring out,
begging for something
that is invaluable,
love
of the highest
caliber
Author notes
i took/take you both for granted
In a list
A contest entry
- I hope I never feel this... by Cannonsfire.
1750 points, ended August 21, 2008, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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congrats on silver bro, this is easily a gold though, and quite an impression it leaves, more so i was left lost in thought pondering those water color images you created in such simple and profound words, the real question is how have i never read you before?
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this is very deep , i love your descriptions, and flow. you put alot of power into your words, and i loved the first stanza, it really kept my intrest.
congrats on silver and take care
Stephanie ♥
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I'm just realizing that I haven't commented like, anything of yours. I stink
(even though most of my comments are the same babble, but I mean every word! 
) This was amazing, as usual. The ending was strong but not POWINYOURFACE which fit good, methinks. Lovely job 
Jeanette*~
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I absolutely adore the ending of that first stanza, there is something tangible there that pulses.
And two, my god I have been there.
I wasn't too sure about your beginning of stanza three, but I do completely love the intent.
There are times we will take for granted what is solid and real in our lives, that you realize that is wonderful - hopefully they also know how much they mean.
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Another piece by you which I like, although I have a thing about holes and the image of seagulls coming out doesn't sit well in my tummy hahahahahaha but you didn't know that when you wrote this. I'm enjoying your style of writing. You have a lot of talent with words. My favorite part being the first section of stanza two, that is magnificent. Loved it!
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thank you so much! it really mean so much
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I have to say the last stanza was super. The seagulls for sure did it for me. It's weird how seagulls look so beautiful but have dead cold eyes. Now I'm thinking of "The Birds" LOL The poem is such a reflection of you the poet that I am coming to know.
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second stanza***KILLER for me. All of this is good but that S2 just slammed into me like a mac truck and left me with my jaw opened going DAMN him, he's in my mind again...lol. This is a bit different, perhaps shorter than you usually write but I like it alot...one of your bestest as of late.
I am in love with the "personal" you put in your poetry. So easy to relate to...at least for me.
I wish I could leave you like a thousand of those funny bunny looking clappy things...
Cool beans man!
♥Becky♥
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I learned the hard way
digging my nails
into your back
only to find
seagulls
pouring out
You always speak the words that I hold most dear to my heart. This was one of those pieces that I wish could continue even though it had to end. And I almost feel like I understand that old song of 'Killing me softly'...for part of me wanted to scream 'shut up shut up'...because in your words you found something I wanted to hide so badly.
But such masterpieces, despite other sentiments, must be revealed and awed over.
I loved to hate this.
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you know i love to toy with you
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agree w/ hill, the last three poems are very different from what you usually write. its more concise. i love it
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The noise of seagulls and people for that matter make us turn off and not listen to the din, we miss what they might say is important...I have been guilty of that too. This says personal to me, written from those experiences when we need the silence to speak much louder than the birds. Thank you for a fine entry. Love, C
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the tone to this, and the style of it, are obviously a lot different than your other work. but i think it still rings true to your voice.
i particularly like the last stanza, because its so conclusive, but not seeming too forced...which is an easy thing to fuck up.
you're changing, you crazy thing. -
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"you took to explaining >>maybe just 'you explained'
the constellations
and human nature."
Oh my JP..... I read it aloud, and it just rolls off the tongue like coffee
.
But seriously, This is really good. THe metaphors here are 'high caliber', to use that phrase. Ahhhh, I loveeeeeeee it .
Meghie
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and I will wait for the sun<--- this will read better without the and. this poem of yours sounds like a song when read loudly. i am honest... read it. love and missed you.
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