a leaf falls
onto the rippling water
a boat
A contest entry
- Haiku by piccola.
450 points, ended August 9, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short Poems' Wanted!! by SignifyingNothing.
450 points, ended October 19, 2008, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - H...is for Haiku by DogFish.
600 points, ended December 13, 2008, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Very nice....the movement is what I enjoyed in this.....it is still going....nice
God bless,
Bear ~
-
I enjoyed this imagery..very beautiful
good luck
-
A boat... That is a spectacular image. A beautiful piece.
Carrie
-
This is a nice nature poem. I like how it captures a tiny detail- a falling leaf, so common and ordinary, something we see all the time, and focuses on it, creating a perfect image.
Really nice job. Thanks for entering and letting me read it. And congratulations on the trophy! -
ah! an exclamation moment after reading this...Love the image...
something as light as the leaf could create such an impact
This is one of the most creative haiku I have read...It has motion...
glad I have found this treasure piece.
-
it is breath taking
-
I enjoy the zen thoughts a haiku can deliver to the readers mind...to get lost in that transcending moment be as the leaf falling. Thank you for the pleasure. Congratulations on the Bronze
-
A leaf can be a boat if it floats on the water - we see many of these in the fall, floating in puddles and on sloughs and ponds.
-
I don't get how this is a haiku.
They are strictly
5
7
5
This doesn't fit the haiku standards
Nice image though -
-
nothing strict about haiku - this is a contemporary form, no restrictive syllable count.
-
-
I don't mean to be rude then, but what's the point? The point of the haiku is to have the 5-7-5 other then that, it's just a short poem, which anyone can write. But haiku are written effectively.
-
-
the point was it is beautiful take a midol
-
-
I suppose you could do better, then?
-
-
Not quite. It's a form that undergoes changes, as all forms must, but it still preserves the aim of traditional haiku - a moment, as seen and experienced, transcending itself.
There have been recent columns in the Poetry Forum which explore this, in dialogue, or Myron, an excellent haiku writer and teacher, would help you directly, I'm sure. If you want to have a look, that is.
-
-
-
-
nice set up, great aha! and I see it is autumn because a leaf falls. Of course what imaginative person, young or old does not see a small boat in a leaf as it floats along? Some have even used sticks with the leaf to make a tiny boat. Maybe it is Spring or Summer ... leaves fall at any time. Thank you for this entry. I notice also there are no upper case letters
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
