Another broken music box skips a beat.
Whispers of sin crowd the room, while dust lays upon her skin.
China doll features cracked to the bone.
Blood leaks from corners of her tweaked mouth.
Dancing around in a circle, Such a pretty little ballerina.
Trapped inside a distorted reality.
Looks upon a darken sky as a wish she makes.
Not to be real but the ability to feel
To feel a bruise form beneath her skin.
To feel a simple kiss upon her cheek.
Dreams lined up against the white velvet padded walls.
Wilted rose petals lay among her feet .
Author notes
Im not done yet still leading my muse back to me.
Option Three--
*Sky
*China
*Fallen
*Distorted
*Sin
DecoyDani
As of august 12 i am finishing it.
In a list
A contest entry
- " If You Were Dead Or Still Alive " by Asabouros..
700 points, ended August 18, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think of the title?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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It's quite haunting. It's great, especially as it's not finished, but I agree with previous commenters, that the title isn't quite right. I think my favourite line is "Not to be real but the ability to feel" because it has fantastic rhythm, and of course because it has it's own rhyming scheme. I would be interested in reading the finished result, but I am of the opinion that this is perfectly good as it is.
Sarah
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While dust lies upon her skin - that is such a good visual. Very nice. ~Bramble
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A very nice start to a great poem, Good luck in the contest. Boog
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I don't really have anything against the title, but I've seen lots of poems with the same title...maybe you can think of a really really unique one when you finish?
Message me please when you're done writing this, it has wonderful potential I see, and I can't wait to read the finished piece
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The title is just temporary till i can find something that fits the whole poem.
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