This is the first night
Since last night
Your last night
here.
You were
around the world
but I knew
you would come
home.
Your home isn't
here
anymore.
I will
count
all the days
I miss
you
Until
the numbers
stop
A contest entry
- The Consistency of Change by JM Kenyon.
600 points, ended August 15, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
A very sad feel to this write. It has an innocent appeal to it that I like and the simplicity of the language used goes a long way towards creating a powerful impact.
s and best wishes always... ~genie~
-
You have captured the essence of longing perfectly in this simple little piece. I like the notion of counting every night spent without them as well as the hope that those lonely nights will one day end. Bravo >pixxie<
-
this is really good ... i like the format: fives and threes with a last eight ... each is an irony of time, especially the first ... each one is an acceptance of the consistency time and its numbers ... especially the last, just where it goes
Moqui ... three turtle rating (highest
)
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