Lifetime

I.

We exchange glances across
a crowded room.
I approach
full of nerves.
Funny.
They’ve never been there before.
She looks at me through thick, black lashes with
eyes of a terrific green.
“You have a beautiful smile”
stuttered, but her eyes light up
and she rewards me with another smile.
The first, if I am lucky, of many.
We dance
I miss steps
and lose my cool.
She is so beautiful.
How had I not noticed before?
The song finishes and my hands
Linger
on her hips a second longer.
She smiles again.

II.

The moon hangs overhead
fat and benevolent.
It watches we two on our
bed of thick, green grass.
Our hands are secure in one another’s grasp
our eyes
locked in a way that leaves me naked before her.
I brush a strand of her fiery red hair aside
and sink into those sea green eyes.
I’m drowning and I don’t care.
Tentatively
I lean in.
Press my lips against hers and inhale
her perfume. I am giddy with it.
The urgent warmth of her lips and
the welcome intrusion of her tongue.
I taste her.
Consume her.
Withdraw gasping for air
and smiling.

III.

Her head cradled in my lap,
she gazes up at the star.
And I gaze down at her and
marvel.
We talk about all things:
our days, our plans…
I am happy.
I can feel it bubbling up inside me well before
she screws up her nose and sticks out her tongue.
She must know that drives me crazy.
Like a geyser it boils up from within
my heart or my soul.
Is it too soon?
Should I say it?
It doesn’t seem to care.
It explodes into the cool night air
demanding to be heard.
“I love you”
Whispered into her ear
hot, urgent, and full of truth.
She squeezes my hand
and rewards me with the single
sweetest kiss,
I’ve ever known.

IV.

Hands, they race.
Never settling.
Pressing.
Touching.
Kneading.

Needing.

Our bodies naked
and radiant with sweat
writhe as they seek to be
closer.
I kiss her hungrily and
her thighs part slightly.

This is complete.
This is together.
Her warmth surrounds me and
our eyes lock for a second. There’s a
revelation there. We share a truth.
Her legs press into the small of my back and
her tongue teases my ears and neck.
Hips bucking,
urging me towards completion.
A shudder!
Exhaling
Murmuring
Kissing
Whispering
Her climax matches mine and
our lips find familiar partners
to dance an entirely new dance.



V.

I stand
nervous.
Pacing restlessly.
My best friend stands by watching with
amusement and
concern.
This is a dream.
It has to be a dream.
But the floor beneath me is
undeniably solid.
The stained glass images above,
undeniably real.
The mournful moaning of an organ,
a sound I hated growing up,
is suddenly beautiful to me.
It urges me on
Beckons to me down the long aisle
lined by friends and family.
A sea of faces viewed through
eyes blurred with tears.

My mother smiles at me and I see
she too has eyes bejeweled.
My father, almost brimming with pride,
nods his approval.
Nerves pull me forward.
And then she is there,
the focus of my attention.

She glows.
She seems to float down the aisle.
The contrast of her fiery mantle and
pure, virginal white could not be
more beautiful.
She smiles, just for me, and
completes the puzzle.
Answers the questions I never even knew
needed asking.
We stand together for the last time

apart.

Her hand finds mine
squeezes it.
A deep breath and then,
“I do”.

VI.

Pained wailing.
Her hair is pasted to her face
the fire in it made dim by exertion.
But her eyes still shine and sweat
gives her skin a radiant sheen.
She squeezes my hand like she has done
so many times before. But this time
she is asking for my support and
I give it.

I lean across and brush that same strand of hair
from her face. She forces a smile.
Her breathing is fast
and then comes the final scream followed by
another. This one smaller and
never before heard.

He is beautiful.

All else before this, save her, is nothing.
I finally know my meaning
as his tiny face, scrunched in outrage,
looks up at me and his miniscule hand
grips my thumb.

I can scarce believe that I’ve created this
as she looks at me
with eyes full of love.
This is my meaning.
I know it.

VII.

The early morning sun wakes me
filters in through the blinds and
kisses me good morning.
I watch her chest rise and fall as she sleeps.
The gentle pink of her cheeks.
The reassuring heat of her beside me.
The fire in her hair bears the slightest sprinkling of ash now
and her face is older than the one I fell in love with
but I love it all the same.
For I am not as she fell for me, either.

She wakes.
Her turquoise eyes find me and I am blessed
With a smile.
The same I’ve always loved.
Her kiss has the dry beauty that only a wakeup kiss can.
“I love you”
Words I’ve never tired of hearing.
The magic they once held might have dimmed
but it has never faded.

Rolling out of bed I am greeted by a
Symphony
Joints that never cracked before.
Downstairs I can hear the children are awake.
Melodrama and the kind of
energy that only kids can summon at 7am.
Two boys and a girl
on their way to, what I hope is as happy as my fate.
As perfect as the serendipity I know.

VIII.

A familiar tune from a familiar organ.
A familiar church.
The nerves, though, are unfamiliar
as I watch our daughter walk down the aisle.
She looks beautiful –
like her mother –
who even now dabs at teary eyes.

She reassuringly squeezes my hand and we smile
our secret smile.

Our sons and their wives are nearby and they smile with us.

Another crowd viewed through a sheen of tears
Faces familiar and unfamiliar.
A part of me searches hopefully for my parents in the crowd
But they’re gone.
And part of me cries inside.

Thirty years ago.

Part of me remembers the way I cried as I hugged my mother
and felt the hot rush of air on my shoulder as she cried as well.
“I’m glad you’re happy” she’d said, and then Dad had hugged me as well.
A rare thing. A treasured thing.
I’d never been so happy. So proud.

Until now.
Until this day.
And I miss them
and cry inside.
But I smile all the same.
This is completion.

IX.

Standing in the cool spring rain
I hold my daughter’s hand and try to
be strong.

All of the years gone before…
I try to hold onto them,
but I can’t tear my eyes from the
coffin
before me.
The priest tells her life story
but he never knew her like I did.
Never held her like I did.
I hardly hear him.
Instead I hear her first cheerful hello
before we knew we would be together.
I remember a whispered I love you
and laughter.

I miss her laugh.

I don’t see my children or grandchildren.

I only see her.
Her with her fiery red hair and
Shining green eyes.

I see her.
Her face so beautiful beneath her veil
and her smile, all for me.

I see her as she was through all of the years.
I see her angry.
I see her sad.
I see her laughing.

I see her smile.

And I see her as she lay
cold, but still beautiful in our bed
when I woke up.

I can’t choke back the tears.
Can’t be the strength for my sons or daughter.
And I cry.
I rest my head on my daughter’s shoulder
lose myself in the vastness of my loss,
and mourn her passing.

X.

I breathe my last breath. Feel it leave me as surely as I must have felt
my first enter.
I let my eyes slip closed one last time.
Bid farewell to the world I once knew.

And I feel her beside me once more.
Feel her gentlest kiss on the space between my eyebrows.
I feel her tender hand in mine and,
When I open my eyes,
She stands as I loved her.

Beautiful.

As if not a year had passed since we fell in love.
Her nose screwed up and her tongue out.
How I always loved to remember her.

And she’s there.
Her hips feel warm and real beneath my hands.
Her cheek, soft and sweet to my kiss.
And her words, as real as I’ve ever heard.

“I knew you’d come”

My daughter finds me later,
Much as I found my own wife.

Cold, but smiling.
And although I’ll miss her,
My sons as well,
My wife squeezes my hand reassuringly.
I brush that strand of hair from her face.

I am complete.