Betrayed by the picking of the fruit
In anger I beat my fist
To satisfy my anger and thirst
Now I must bleed your wrist
Let the blood flow and run like water
Until your soul runs dry
I want to feel you scream in pain
And rejoice as I hear you cry
To assauge my wrath and release my pain
Crimson blood is what I need
I get my pleasure out of watching you die
And hear you suffer and bleed
For I am the holy and righteous One
There's no one else besides me
That's what happens when I am betrayed
And you pick from the forbidden tree.
Author notes
A contest entry
- Cutters, Bleeders & Blood covered chocolate by Devilish Temptation.
600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~QUICKIE~*~ For Dark Poetry by thenorthernstar.
447 points, ended May 25, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A pleasant way to die by Night Terrors.
1000 points, ended May 25, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Seven Deadly Sins by Genesis.
1200 points, ended August 20, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Betrayal by Baisi.
1200 points, ended November 23, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best!! I want to be swayed I want to be amazed by PaperWingsCrumple.
700 points, ended May 29, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - make me feel it. by stop a bullet.
550 points, ended June 3, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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An amazingly strong poem. I litterally said wow at the end of the first stanza. The feeling you get reading this.. underscribable.. very well written. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for entering!
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EVIL
wow i liked it -
This is definitely angry, and aggressive. I love it.
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wow Michael !
this is Dark! but really deep! well done great flow
Blessings
Rend
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Very well done and well deserving of the the rewards you've gotten for it. Great job
This contest was closed by the admin's because religious people were offended by it. I guess my next contest will be "Burn the witches" and we'll see how they reply to that.
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Interesting write to say the least...I like the dark touch to the fall of man here. great job.
**Ktulu blackwolfe** -
Wow...thank you for entering. I don't even know what to say. An amazing write, showing God as a wrathful instead of merciful god... This is the first time I've ever seen the fall of man portrayed this way. Thank you for sharing.
--Genesis. -
Angry and powerful and pushing things to the edge....very gritty...in a good way....thank you
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shiver
The imagery in this poem is so vivid and I can feel it run down my spine. Well done.
The picture you paint is a different view of the first sin and it is great to read something so unique.
Maybe we should be angry...wouldn't it be lovely if it had not happened?
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Wow, much depth in this, and a great rhyme that carries the tale onward. Very sinister tone and attitude, no nonsense approach to bloodletting. Well done. Thanks for the entry.
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To satisfy my anger and thirst
Now I must bleed your wrist
Let the blood flow and run like water
Until your soul runs dry
I want to feel you scream in pain
And rejoice as I hear you cry
Awesome!!
Great job
thanks for entering
~ Kerri -
Sophisticated.
To assauge my wrath and release my pain
Crimson blood is what I need
I get my pleasure out of watching you die
And hear you suffer and bleed
Very eliquent and deviant for sure. Congrats on the trophys too. They were well deserved. Great job and good luck!
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I really loved this! it was eliquent and evil congrades your a finalist
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I wonder how many of these people have actually read the bible lmao. I love it from start to finish, good job. keep it up cous
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The expression and the emotions are amazing.
the way you expressed these emotion with these choice of words is different, but great!
Well done, and Good luck -
Wow, that poem is so expressive it almost makes my skin crawl, literally. I don't know how anyone could enjoy watching a person bleed.
Voicing my own oppinion as I tend to do, the Rightious one that I know does not, even though we made such a mess. If he did, he would have let us die, instead of sending His son to do it.
God Bless, Larkbird -
wow!
I like the way you used such great expression,thanks for entering1 -
wow that was great and I loved the pic congrades your a finalist
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this reminds me of God telling adam and eve off for eating the apple. Only god is nicer, of course!!! Well done, love the rhym scheme! Good luck.
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Dark dark dark..
Ummmm
LOVE IT
Simon
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wow emotion filled write I love this piece of yours it's so powerful just what I looking for thanks for entering and good luck
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OOoh dripping with darkness here, I love how you've taken the picture. Superb write! Thanks for entering and good luck
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.. a dark write indeed!! I personally don't believe in a God that would punish in a way that he rejoyces in the suffering (probably why I don't believe in hell) lol... but I think this write works really well for the picture!! Gave me a shiver! 
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Ooo I liked this. It was very dark =]
The poem flowed nicely and it kept me engulfed in your words. I loved it. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
<3 Vampy -
Wicked. I love it!
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it screams out if i cant have you no one will
strong emotions in this poem wouldnt like to betray you ha ha
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