Losing composure
Is it worth it?
It’s been so long
Years even
You’re still in my room
Hidden away
Yet you scream my name
Like you’re in my mind
Beckoning me to hold you
Against my flesh
You taunt me
One slip
Is all it would take
And everything would crumble
Beneath me, again
A contest entry
- The last of my points.....for you!! by l33t-n1nj4.
747 points, ended August 15, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Wanna Feel Your Pain by slippingofftheedge.
300 points, ended August 15, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes, new poems, Anything by Hello...No.One.Home.
525 points, ended September 24, 2008, 104 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I felt like you've put me in a whirlwind and then draged me along graval, my emotions are all over the place.
A wonderful poem and I wish you all the best for he future.
Rose -
on the verge of crumbling...i understand
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Oh, this is so beautiful. It's like fear was stabbed through the heart and pinned down like a butterfly onto paper. It's amazing.
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Beautiful write. Definitely captures the feeling of fear, worrying that all it would take is a small slip and you'll be back in the place you've worked so hard to leave.
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Yet you scream my name
Like you’re in my mind
Beckoning me to hold you
I like that part;
I think everyone has been through this at one time or another.
you conveyed it brilliantly
great job. -
“I will go before you
And make the crooked places straight;
I will break in pieces the gates of bronze
And cut the bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that it is I, the LORD,
Who calls you by your name...” (Isa. 45:2-3)
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I get it - obsession right? Some excellent use of vocabulary and I did like the way this ended, the punctuation really slows the line down effectively. One minor nitpick - even though it's free verse you may want to play with adding some more punctuation and you don't need to capitzlize each line. Punctuated enjambement will really free this up. Regardless I did like this, thanks for sharing and good luck in your contest.
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I think I missed something...
I like the flow of the poem, but I'm afraid I missed whatever it was that you were trying to say.....
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I love the conflicting emotions in this poem. It's like you want to trust again, but you can't because you know what such trust can lead to. I can definitely relate.
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Excellent imagery within this well wriiten composition.
Emotion is evident and relatable!
Well Done & Best of luck in the contest!
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Wow
That is pretty intense...kind of has a stalker vibe to it lol..but I love it!!
Hidden away
Yet you scream my name
Like you’re in my mind
Beckoning me to hold you
Against my flesh
You taunt me
This part for sure was the best
Very nice, keep it up
~♥*Savina*♥~
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oh dang...that was captivating!! I was stuck on every word...GOOD JOB!!!
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