Speaking your name
is a challenge,
all I hear are echos
of empty space;
nothing here.
And, I wonder why
even in bright light,
your darkness remains.
You went easy,
but I am left in shallow waters;
drowning while still wading
all you left behind.
Me.
(c) Debby Sorensen Carlson
August 7th, 2008
A contest entry
- I hope I never feel this... by Cannonsfire.
1750 points, ended August 21, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hoodwinked!
This was heartwrenching, it felt so personal. As though we were watching a very private moment that shouldn't be intruded upon.
Shari
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Shari
It is rather personal .. I think we all draw from where we've been and what we've seen. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Blessings.d
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Such a deep and sad write. You are very brave for sharing...great job!
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cre8tiv-writer
Thank you and yes , it was painful to write. Thank you for reading me and your comments. Blessings. Debby
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bravo
A neaty and nifty poem which speaks volumes in but a few words...the frist stanza does, indeed, draw the reader into the poem. A fine use of short lines--not always an easy thing to do by the way! bravo.. bravo! -
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Eusebius
Thank you !!
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I really like the last verse. It is a wonderful metaphore. I like the way this can be interpreted differently by different people too
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crazymomma
What a beautiful baby !! I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece. Blessings. Debby
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a good piece of poetry, ah the echoes! that reveal us in love and life, as we live we will find them and then they will taunt us all through our lives. )
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individuality
Amen to that !! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Much appreciated !
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this is very emotion-filled. great job ^^
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XxYoru
Thank you very much !!!
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I hope you get something for this in the contest, it's beautiful and haunting and profound 'drowning while still wading' is inspired and inspiring.
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celadia
Thank you so much !! Blessings. d
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Now this is strong, although you use shallow as the water I can see the related pieces of it to a person being too shallow to notice how much you felt and wanted him to feel back. Nice job.
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Thank you !
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