Draft for a greeting card poem on the death of a pet, complete with predictable rhyme:
Your dog is clearly dead, I know,
but death is not the end;
it merely is a wondrous show
of love between two friends.
Dear Fido’s bark is no more heard,
nor whimpers of delight,
and all will tell you it’s absurd
to want your dog at night.
He lies so dead, as in a trance
his paws curled on the mat;
perhaps you think you’ve lost the chance
of ever “tapping that.”
But ‘tis not so, I do affirm;
you’ll never lack his touch.
His tiny eyes may squirm with worms,
but you won’t care so much.
So do not grieve o’er Fido’s grave;
you’ll have his love and more,
whene’er you want, whene’er you crave
the dead dog on your floor.
Author notes
The second line of the last stanza was inspired by George Herbert’s “The Bunch of Grapes.” Feel free to beat the shit out of the rhyme; there is an obvious reason why I stick to freeverse.
And don't ask. 
i love criticism.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Hahaha. Great use of sing-song rhyme. You disturb me in some of the most humorous ways.
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Muahahahahaha! What a nice little card The most poetic card there could ever possibly be, probably
You need to get published! 
Jeanette*~
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Nice to think that fido still loves me, even though worms are crawling through his eyes... nice contrast... never read a condolences card that mentioned the worms, lol! great job, thanks for entering!
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ahahahahahhahahahahahahaha. This is what i needed to read..
It's SO comedy & brilliant twinzee.
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it!
~twinneh
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A new twist on life in death though the worms in his eyes would make the poor dog less appealing.
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Oh my goodness, you rhymed.
Now I know absolutely nothing about critiquing this type of poetry, but I assume some of the lines are a little long to keep up with the consistent flow, at least, to my ear. In the last stanza and the third one primarily is where I stumbled, it's the long lines. The fourth stanza was just wonderful written, rhyme included and I liked how you brought the worms into view, like the rotting of time. I think this could be on a spencer’s greeting card, like in one of those funny shops with all the weird shit. Yes, I like this. It's very fresh and certainly goes in a new direction from your usual stuff. Stretch those legs...I always tell writers that if they keep writing the same things, they will grow tired of it and grow complacent. I think it's quite solid, for the most part.
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It's meant to be iambic, but I know I probably messed up somewhere cos I've been slacking on my resolve to read more Renaissance poetry and plus I hardly ever rhyme. But yeah, you're right about the long lines being cumbersome; I'll see what I can do about them.
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Well I know even less about iambic pentametre...LOL.
So now you really have me stumped. For all I know this could be the next hallmark card with the lines you have now and no one would mention a thing... But if you do change them, tell me. I'm curious to see where this rhyming poetry goes in the future for you.
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Aw, thanks. Rhyme's not really all that lucrative, though, but it is a challenge. You should give it a try!
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I always sucked at it...LOL. I doubt you would really want to read my smelly rhymes...The only kind I do even remotely well are internal ones and even those are rare for me. But you, well, you might be able to make something out of this rhyming business. If you do make a greeting card, I want one. 
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All my greeting cards wouldn't sell in a place like Hallmark; I'm too frank and mean and won't cater to the ignorant housewife types that shop there. And cards like "congrats, you have syphilis" and "I am terribly sorry that you decided to breed" wouldn't quite bring in profits for the company. XD
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I would buy those as I hate the usual hallmark crap so much. "congrats, you have syphilis"...LOL I nearly laughed myself out of my chair. I hate catering to those kind of people as well...My grandmother loves going to these church gathering places and though I have nothing against it, I don't want to hear about how I have to atone for sins for like two hours. I'm rambling now on your poem, but, yes you could sell them on the internet or something, like one of those homemade sites where you can do whatever the hell you want, when you want.
Oh and I hope you win the contest.
Obviously.
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