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will you miss me

 

When my lights dim
and my heartbeat fades,
will you keep me in your thoughts?
Or will I just stay inside my grave?

This is harder for me
than I ever thought it'd be.
When I see your smile change
into a teardrop serenade.

I will always love you,
could you say the same?
I would live in pain for you,
if I could live through today.

Will you miss me
when I fade away?

Please

   don't

       forget

           my face.....

 

 

Author notes

Title/Prompt - 13. Will You Miss Me

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    August 16, 2008

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    awww this is very beautiful! I know this fear, I am afraid that when I die people will forget me or my funeral wont be attended, it really frightens and upsets me. Weird huh? Nicely put.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the 'teardrop serenade' imagery - very sensual and moving the sentiments of this poem are expressed very well, in a heartbreaking tone amazingly done!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • etoile
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When I see your smile change
    into a teardrop serenade
    ---
    those lines are fantastic
    they ended the poem so strongly and theyre written so beautifully

    i also liked the rhyming, not forced at all

    goodluck in the contest!


  • ronnica
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad, it brings back thoughts of all those we love who have departed, I liked lines seven and eight in particular, very deep and thought provoking.


  • paperparadox silver member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow...

    This has a deep impact!

    Death holds such a mystery for us all that anything relating to the 'beyond' I feel is a true source of fascination ~ and perhaps, preoccupation.

    The whole piece is well balanced, but the last few lines really packs the final punch.

    Well done ~ should be the universal funereal party piece.


  • ml12
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think that you have some interesting ideas about death especially only having a place in a grave if you aren't remembered. I also like the way that thoughts about death somehow get reversed and twisted into hoping that your thoughts and feelings are reciprocal.


  • XXxXBassMeisterxXxX
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "will you keep me in your thoughts?
    Or will I just stay inside my grave?"
    I wonder that every time i think about death. I wonder where i will be remembered and by whom. If i will even be remembered. Great write my friend.

  • Kalamina
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the way that you laid this out, the simple verses and the deep message, slightly cliche, but the fact that it is about love just makes it touch the heart! Great write!


  • FindingMeInJesus
    August 11, 2008

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    Awww sweetheart, this is amazing and beautiful and touches deep... s great job.


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a somber and tender write, asking hard questions and hoping for the right answers. I found this poem to be a well constructed excursion of thoughts and feelings. Well done.

    Dennis


  • youhadme-athello.
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    :]

    This is really wonderful. Thank you for entering. :]


  • movedon
    August 10, 2008

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    Beautiful bro! I would never forget you!! Lots of deep words in this. Lovely job.

    Warmest,
    Mylee


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awwww, its a thought and a feeling that a lot of us I am sure have had before at some point in our life. always wishin they wont forget us if we walked away for a while. welll done bro


  • XxemohatexX
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow thisis realy good and i would miss you and i hope i dont ever have to anytime soon i realy love your poetry keep up the good work


  • peridotPixi
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love what you have done with the title so deep and emotional i love the feeling you have put into this poem, i hope to always keep you in my memories, good luck in the contest and as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~your momma Amy

1 - 15 of 15