Lie,
make me cry.
Make me want to die.
Do it.
((again and again))
Look away,
while I decay.
It's okay
Do it.
((again and again))
Kiss me,
leave me.
Use me.
Do it.
((again and again))
Author notes
peppermint
A contest entry
- + U-V Song Titles + by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended August 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm alone......are you? by movedon.
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550 points, ended December 10, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark writes contest!!!! Check it out by Englandgirl2008.
450 points, ended May 17, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~* PREWRITES CONTEST*~* by tidoubleguher.
750 points, ends December 6, 213 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is why we build the walls around our hearts, either we are afraid of being the one on the receiving end, or the one causing the pain.
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I loved it. This is amazing. Reall short if you think about the word count but it's really really good. The amount of power in this piece is absolutly amazing! i loved how the 'again and again' was in braccets, that really added to the power of the poem. I really liked it!!! Good luck with the contest. Great poem!
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They always do end up doing that anyway.
So raw, I can feel your words here, it's like your so used to it, it doesn't effect you anymore. Nicely done. -
this fit the title prompt very well
i especially liked:
Look away,
while I decay.
It's okay
---
goodluck in the contest
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Interesting !
Simple yet very deep. I like this poem. I find the way you put parts of your poem in brackets really emphasizes the meaning behind your words. Great work!
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Simplicity....
You use it well... Obviously... Great work... The double brackets almost make it sound like it's your inner-inner thoughts... Darkest parts of your mind... Great -
I love how the first & third stanzas rhymed.
& the repetition of 'again and again'
I also love how you used the word "and" instead of a "&" sign.
it would have made it look cheap, especially next to the double brackets.
great job!
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Wow, fantastic, really abstract, I feel really good actually being able to comment, not critique. Great write and good luck in your contest!!!
Justin
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Really sad, touching write. Says a whole lot with just a few words. best of luck in the contest with this one, it should do quite well.
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Oh this is so sad and I thought the brief lines, use of imperatives and relatively simplistic language really captured the appropriate tone and mood for this. Such a familiar story, simply but credibly communicated. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in your contest.
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