I want to know what it’s like to fall in love
because all I’ve ever done is crash;
but instead of exploding chunks of debris
I cradled all the smoke and soot inside me.
I could have smelled your gasoline lies
from a whole heartbeat away,
if only I had chosen to open my nose
I might have sensed something wrong.
my chest feels like a traffic jam
I’ve got so many feelings crashing into each other
you never indicated which lane you were taking
so I swerved right -
which turned out all wrong.
I want to inhale your polluted exhaust.
I want to suck up as much air as I can into my perforated lungs
and not have to suffer as it strains out my pores.
I loved you without a license
and now I love you with all the pieces of my heart.
Author notes
Option Quote:
1) "Though my heart may be broken, i can still love with all the little
pieces"
~~Jessica Noelle
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt contest by Brokentruth93.
300 points, ended August 13, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow! i love the metaphor!! and it works great with the quote!! thank you for entering my contest!!!
~~Jessica Noelle -
'I want to know what it’s like to fall in love
because all I’ve ever done is crash;
but instead of exploding chunks of debris
I cradled all the smoke and soot inside me.'
That opening hits you straight in the chest, it's amazing, I love the idea of crashing into love, and then the imagery of everything that exploding being kept inside like that.
'my chest feels like a traffic jam'
I'm not too sure why, but thats my favouritest favourite line in the whole piece, I don't really know why, it just stands out to me so so much.
and then...
'I loved you without a license
and now I love you with all the pieces of my heart.'
that ending is amazing
I love the extended metaphor throughout of cars and traffic etc, you've done it so beautifully
♥
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Great take on the quote. Your first two lines set the tone and you rode it out perfectly. Though it is only the second piece I've read of yours I can already see that you are a wonderfully talented poet. Age makes no difference while writing, you've been favorited and I can't wait to read more.
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thank you for the honour and I'm so glad you like my work
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This poem is very good.Love express in that way is original.Good luck on this contest.
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