Blues touching
a resounding note
forever in that forgotten memory,
Tears remain...
yet in the reflection
the meaning is remembered,
Perhaps...
a footprint left in the echo of time,
Rhythms touch like the wind,
Heartbeat to heartbeat
Simplified in the night,
And what we hear
touches a soul
in a mist of a dream,
Connect in that freedom,
Silent mirrors
painted into the wind of time
Loved by those who see
the final epic
revealed in an invitation.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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nice job. the last line,"revealed in an invitation" was well done and created vivid imagry. I like your style
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Perhaps...
a footprint left in the echo of time,
Rhythms touch like the wind,
Heartbeat to heartbeat
Simplified in the night,
wow. this was so.. ethereal & beautiful.
I loved it!
only thing is, I think you could have found a better word to end it on;
"invitation" doesn't really match the beauty of the rest of the poem
but that's just my opinion, I'm often wrong
anyways, amazing job! -
A fascinating piece. It is very visceral with many connections to both music and touch. My suggestion is to try it with longer lines. For instance (and this is only my suggestion not a slight to you as a poet because you most certainly have the final say and can totally push my critique away if it is your preference):
"Blues touch a resounding note
Forever in that forgotten memory,
Tears remain in reflection
Meaning remembered
Perhaps . . .
A footprint,
left in the echo of time.
Rhythms touch like the wind
Heartbeat to heartbeat,
Simplified in the night
What we hear touches Soul . . .
in a mist of dream.
Connect in that freedom.
Silent mirrors
painted, into the wind of time
Loved by those who see
the final epic
revealed in an invitation."
Perhaps another reference to touch should be added in the final line to tie it all together. I really enjoyed the poem as it is though, these are only my suggestions from writer to writer. I would like to explore more of your work. -
a powerfully emotional piece. i really liked the line 'a footprint left in the echo of time" and just the imagery overall. i'm not quite sure i get the subject since the last few lines confused me a bit, but it was still an enjoyable read. best wishes
~shadowlyn
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I did like the evocative and vivid imagery here, it's like a portrait being painted with the most appropriate of colours from the palette. 'Silent mirrors painted into the wind of time..' is such a powerful image, I loved it. Neat flow and well structured overall. Partly abstract to me but that most certainly didn't detract from the enjoyment. An imaginative and orginal write, thanks for sharing. Cheers.
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