Revelations twisted in an immersion
of pleasure
complicated by time itself,
Calculated from moment to moment,
Declared in age image of reflections,
Perish the thought of free thinking,
For fantasy
independently shares an unanimous emotion
which forever holds the child in each of us,
Sometimes though reality
clouds the issue
and the dreams we hold
graciously takes a back seat,
Still.....
The journeys we make
result in a conscious effort
of a promise
shared by everyone.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Wow, such evocative imagery and descriptive detail really make this piece come to life. This is such a deep and thought provoking write. I loved the use of personification in 'Sometimes though reality/clouds the issue/and the dreams we hold/graciously takes a back seat..' such fantastic imagery here. I liked the way this moves, a well crafted and mature write. Thanks for sharing.
-
Another thought-provoking piece, bro. I like how you've personified dreams, how they're physical objects that consciously step back when gregarious reality shoves in and asserts itself. What a jack-ass that reality is, eh?
But seriously, the sentiment that I'm gathering from this piece is one of Jungian proportions, of archetypes that everyone feels, even if we don't actually think of them.
I spotted a couple of minor errors, no biggie, they don't detract from the reading experience, as I knew which words you meant: line 10 'though', not 'through'; and line 13 'take', not 'takes' (since it's an action of 'the dreams' in the previous line).
Regardless, stellar work. Your writing shows such maturity, with its multiple layers of meaning. Well done!
- Giovanni
-
I like the vocabulary here. It's a bit more of a difficult read, because of it, but if it can be handled, it's better.
The context I think is important, and the background is an interesting asset to it..
Adding your comment:
